Ziv takes a step back, and I become serious. I don’t want him to stop. I need to feel pain so I don’t feel anything else. “She’s?—”
“Don’t bother.” His lips are sneered in disgust as he interrupts me. “I’m not going to kill you. If you really were a demon, you would know hell is far worse than this. Besides, she needs us, and as long as that is true, I will drag you through this fucking life by your fingernails if I have to.”
“Fuck you,” I grumble, wishing I could put more feeling behind it.
“Yeah, fuck me and fuck you, fuck everyone, but this bullshit of yours, trying to get yourself killed, stops now.” Ziv rips a glove off his hand and tosses it to the floor. He had the forethought to put it on before pummeling me so he wouldn’t die while I was begging for it. I’m weak.
Maybe that’s why I will never be able to touch Briar. I don’t deserve to.
“Go clean yourself up and get your head straight. I have news, and I’m not telling you when you have a noose around your neck.”
“There’s nothing on my neck,” I snap.
“Not physically.” His comeback is quick… and honest. It pisses me off. At least that’s an emotion I know how to deal with.
I spit a mouthful of blood on the floor before doing what I’m told. I doubt I’ll get my head straight, but I can wash the blood off my face.
“You’ll be cleaning that up.”
I flip the fallen off over my shoulder.
“If you want to know what I have to say, you’ll clean that shit up.” His voice is an octave deeper. I know he’s not fuckingaround, and I also know I’ll clean it up because I need to know what news he has.
ZIV
As pissed as I am at Kage, I’m madder at myself. What he said is true. I let Briar get taken from us. I should have protected her better. Hell, it’s my fault they took her in the first place. I should have known they wouldn’t let me be, even when I fell to get the fuck away from them.
I pretend to be occupied with something out the window while I listen to Kage return and his quick clean up of Briar’s floor. Seeing the blood here, even knowing it isn’t hers, is too much for me to handle.
“What news?” he asks after only a few seconds.
I turn to face him, not bothering to look at the floor where the mess was. “I know where Briar is.”
“Fucking finally. Let’s go get her.” He takes a step toward the door, as if it’s that simple. I debated whether or not I should even tell him, but I knew keeping it from him was wrong. He has just as much right to know as I do.
“Kage.” I lift my hand to hold him back. “We can’t.”
“Why the hell not?” He looks me up and down, not hiding the scorn in his gaze.
“If we do anything now, we’ll risk her life or our bond.”
“Our bond?”
Clearly, he doesn’t know the power the Fates possess. Not many do. The few times the Fates have severed the tethers of mates, it resulted in death. My fear is we would all survive, if for no other reason than to be tormented by the loss. “What they give, they can also take.”
“Bullshit!” he scoffs.
“What else do you think could keep me from her?” I question, allowing my own anger to seep into my voice. “Do you really think I would fear the gods for any other reason other than losing her?”
“They can kill you,” he surmises falsely.
“Can they?” The truth is, I don’t even know the answer to that question. Is it possible for them to end my life? Yes. Would they risk it and in turn allow someone else to know their weaknesses? I doubt it. Would they be happy to torture me for all eternity and allow me to suffer until the end of time? Yes. Most of them would do it happily. To them, I’m a traitor, someone that knows their secrets, and a liability that can hurt them. Worse yet, they are incapable of understanding how I could forsake my godhood. They can’t see past their need for power and adoration. I couldn’t either, until I felt nothing at all.
I didn’t care what I could be losing in the transition. I just couldn’t go on another day the way I was. When I fell, it hurt. It was like nothing I could have imagined, as if my soul was being pulled apart before piecing itself back together in a way that left me feeling raw and ragged, but it at least allowed me to feel something. Until that moment, I hadn’t even realized that was what I was missing. It took me years to recover. In that time, I slept in a way that the gods aren’t capable of. I dreamed, and my soul lost its ragged edges. Looking back, I think it was the first time I ever envisioned Briar. I knew there was something more for me out there, I just didn’t know what it was or how to find it.
When I stumbled onto the grounds of the Ivy, an idea took root. I could train, fulfill the need for battle I still craved even after falling, and piss off the gods who probably thought I would never resurface.
I couldn’t know then that the real reason I was here was to find Briar, and I refuse to lose her. Even if it means being separated from her for a time, I will wait until we can safely rescue her from her captors.
