I would never do anything to hurt you.
As long as you don’t think it will make me stronger.
Her eyes slice right through me, and I can’t even deny her claim. We both know she’s right. I’ve always pushed her because I know she’s capable of so much more than she believes, but maybe I shouldn’t have.
How do we do it?
She wiggles around, pretending like she’s trying to get comfortable, but I know her uneasiness has nothing to do with her physical position.
I put my palm on the glass, hoping she will follow suit even though it’s not necessary because the connection is purely mental. My eyes are already on her, since they rarely stray from her face, but I lock my gaze on hers. A tremor of fear tries to worm its way into my thoughts. There’s a chance she’s going to question why I didn’t try this sooner, and there’s no easy explanation for that. There are several reasons, but none of them are good enough anymore.
When I see her take a deep breath then lift her hand to place it over the reflection of mine, I mouth, “Let me in.”
My confidence in my ability to bridge the distance between us wavers after about thirty seconds, and I feel my resolve falter. Briar shifts uncomfortably, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m doing a poor job of hiding my disappointment or if she’s just as impatient as I am. Just as I’m about to lean over and pick up the tablet to excuse another failure, a trickle of fear, much different than my own, brushes across my senses.
It takes me another heartbeat to isolate the thread of fear then follow the delicate strand deeper into Briar. My own trepidation grows when I find nothing but emptiness.
Hello.I try my voice when my senses fail me.
Hi.Her soft reply would have dropped me to my knees if I wasn’t too afraid to move and break the fragile connection.
Flower?I can’t help but ask for confirmation. If I didn’t have every nuance of her voice memorized, I would swear it isn’t even her because I still can’t sense anything from her but that single note of fear that drew me in.
Ziv.A tremor of longing accompanies her throaty response. I take a deep breath, even though I’m not certain I didn’t imagine the ache in her tone when she said my name. I assumed slipping into her mind, her thoughts, would be easy, but clearly, I was wrong.
I should have done more to protect you,I confess, selfishly pleading for forgiveness because I don’t know how long she will abide my presence. I could try to push through her defenses, but I could hurt her and lose her trust in doing so. Neither outcome is an option.
Briar breaks eye contact, but thankfully it doesn’t sever the tentative connection.My weakness was a burden.
Hearing her say those words and knowing I made her feel that way threatens to shred what little control I have at the moment.You have never been weak nor a burden, Briar.
Her eyes slowly return to mine, but the only thing in her gaze is incredulity.Says the god who spent nearly every waking moment training me, but still had to feed me his blood so I could survive the education.
I will not apologize for doing anything that ensures your survival.
I never asked you to. I never asked you to apologize at all.A thread of anger seeps through whatever shield she’s using to keep me out. I want to ask her how she’s doing it and demand she stop, but this defiant Briar is an unknown to me, and I’m afraid to push her too much.
You never ask for anything,I snap, proving I’m just as testy as she is.
That’s funny. Not so long ago, I remember begging you to come for me, begging for food, for fire to get warm, and for anything to make the pain stop, but mostly, I remember pleading for death.Her brilliant gold eyes go flat with disdain.
I bite back the immediate refusal to accept her words as it springs to my lips. I want to scold her for even uttering it, but self-preservation keeps my mouth sealed.
Strange that you can hear me now but not then, she accuses with a dispassionate glower.
Gods, have I already lost her? Will she ever forgive me?I didn’t hear you, Briar. I didn’t even try to listen.Admitting the truth isn’t easy, but it’s the only way forward. I have to make her understand why I allowed her to think we abandoned her.
I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.Her bitter laugh echoes in my head and feels like a blade piercing my gut.
I was terrified that anything I did would get you killed, or they would sever our bond.While Briar seems to be in complete control of her thoughts, I can’t say the same for myself. It wasn’t my intent to say anything about our bond or my fear of them using it against her. If she’s privy to my spiraling thoughts, she shows no indication.
I focus on what is truly important instead of my continued failings.Everything I did or didn’t do was to keep you safe.
You found a way you deemed safe to communicate, but you let me keep thinking I lost you!Briar’s rage slams into me like a physical blow. It’s an emotion I thought I knew intimately, yet the sentiment coming from her is almost unfamiliar. Just under the fury is pain laced with so much loneliness, it’s nearly crippling.
You didn’t trust me!I let a sliver of my own emotion be heard when I respond harshly. She reacts as if I struck her, flinchingback. I take a calming breath before continuing the thought.I told you there was no place where you could hide from me and that I would always find you, and you didn’t trust me.
She shakes her head slowly, and a tear rolls down her cheek unchecked.Which is exactly why I knew you could find me if you wanted to and you never came, never even tried to let me know what was going on. You abandoned me by choice.The pain in her voice and on her face makes me long for the anger she gave me just moments ago.
