My palm covers most of the male’s face when I lay my hand on the mirror. She doesn’t make a move to return the gesture. In fact, she actually looks even more uncomfortable as she starts to fidget. It’s only when I see her move that I realize the shifter has pulled her over onto his lap where she sinks into his hold.
My thoughts spiral into splintered threads. There’s a part of me that’s so fucking relieved to see she’s alive and outwardly safe, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I need to be with her and hold her. Another thought forms. If I was in the male’s place, would I have had the same reaction as the shifter? Would I have comforted her physically the way he did, without thought? Or would I have treated it as a lesson for her to learn to school her emotions, so they couldn’t be used against her on or off the battlefield?
I curl my hand into a fist in defeat before removing it from the glass, because I know the answer to my question. I’ve been so focused on making sure Briar was strong enough to survive the Undertaking, I failed her as a mate in so many other ways. I believed there would be time after the trials to be what sheneeded, at least that’s what I told myself, but really, I’m just a selfish prick.
When I pull myself together enough to return to my seat, I find Kage already has the tablet in his hands, and he’s writing fervently.
If something happens, we will keep the mirror open until you can get back to us.
The shifter hands Briar the tablet, and she turns her face down to read the writing. When she looks up again, she avoids looking at me and focuses on Kage. She gives him a tiny nod, as if to agree, then remains completely still. She doesn’t even attempt to write back.
Are you safe? has anyone hurt you?
That question earns a shrug in response. Kage turns his head to glare at me. Clearly, he blames me for her closed off reaction. I can’t even argue that it isn’t my fault. I was the god of war, so strategies and battle were my life, yet I’m the one who let her get taken and did nothing about it after.
I reach for the tablet, pulling it from the demon’s lap. Belatedly, I realize he isn’t wearing gloves. I could have touched him, though it would have been accidental because the desire to end my existence is absent. I’m being reckless, and I don’t do reckless. I need to focus.
I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.
I watch Briar’s face for clues to tell me what she’s feeling the moment she finally decides to look down and read what I wrote. I don’t need to be with her to hear her sharp inhale, because herentire body reacts, tensing up. I continue writing before she has a chance to look away.
The only reason I left you there was to keep you safe. I’m afraid if I interfere, they will hurt you to punish me. I will come for you the moment I know I can do it without risking your safety.
Her shoulders shudder when she takes another deep breath. When she looks up this time, she doesn’t avoid my eyes, so I see the wet sheen in hers. The weight of her gaze and all the emotion in it nearly cripples me. I failed her and continue to fail her every day I’m not with her. Kage was correct. I should have made sure my contact told her that the moment I decided to trust him to report back to me on her.
I’m sorry I let you believe you were alone.
Why?
Her simple question should be easy to answer, but it isn’t, especially when I can’t touch or speak to her so I can make her understand I know I made a mistake.
I fucked up.
Briar’s eyes narrow, but she doesn’t push me for more even though we both know the answer I gave isn’t nearly good enough. Seconds pass, and I know I’m wasting precious time, but I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. I just want tostare at her, rememorizing her freckles and the golden flecks in her eyes, but I know I need to focus on her safety, and everything else will have to wait.
Eventually, the shifter gently places a hand on the stone tablet and looks to her for permission to take it from her lap. She hands it over without argument. Instead of watching him, with his arms curled around her to write over her lap, I look down at my paired tablet and watch his words appear.
What do I need to know to keep her safe now?
Are the gods still watching her?
Briar places her hand on the shifter’s, and he returns the quill to her immediately. That’s two points in his favor. He asked the right question, and he knows to defer to her.
Never.
Never?
Briar shakes her head slowly while making eye contact.
“But you said they were watching her! Why would they take her from us and just leave her there?” Kage accuses.
“I don’t know. Maybe they were trying to lure me out.”
Can’t hear you. Is she still there with you?
Briar points at me after writing. I can only assume she’s referring to Oaktar, but I don’t know why she would think she would still be here.
No, she fled when her hold on me started to crack and hasn’t returned since.
