“One of them was… is.” She scrunches up her face.
“What about the other one?”
“Kage.” She sighs his name. Although I sense her sadness, it isn’t as sharp as it is for the other mate. “That’s a bit complicated.” Her arms flop to her lap, and she doesn’t pull her hand away when her fingers land on my thigh. It’s such a small touch, but it feels huge to me.
“Can you tell me about it? About him?” I don’t want to push her, but these are details I will need to know. I need to be aware if one or both of them are going to show up here sick from bondlust and try to take her from me.
A soft smile plays on her lips before her eyes become glassy with unshed tears. “He was my shadow. He saved me before I could even make it to the Ivy.” Her eyes go unfocused as she looks across the room, not seeing what’s in front of her as she begins to tell me about her arrival at the other institute.I know she’s skipping over parts, because things not directly involving Kage are a little vague. I learn that Kage has to be the unluckiest motherfucker on the planet. My stomach actually twists in sympathy for the male. I can’t imagine the willpower he has to have. I would have lost my mind in a matter of hours if I couldn’t touch Briar, and it sounds like he spent weeks keeping his distance from her before finally getting close, only to stay at arm’s length. No wonder she doesn’t have the same bond with him as she does the tutor. She wasn’t able to do more than recognize their connection.
“Everyone thought he was cursed.” She actually rolls her eyes. “I tried to get him to touch me to show him I wouldn’t be affected, but he didn’t believe me, and Ziv would have killed him.” Her face twists, and a shot of pure pain lashes through our burgeoning bond.
Because I’m so caught up in her reaction, it takes me a moment to process the name and how I know it. Panic that belongs only to me grips my chest. I know of Ziv. Everyone in the realm knows of the fallen god turned atheist to forsake his own kind. He wasn’t the first god to fall, but he is the first who has resurfaced to walk among us. Even fallen as he is, he is more powerful than I could dream of being. He was the god of fucking war, after all.
He could take Briar from me. If the stories are true, he could even sever my bond to her completely. Shifters fear little, but we don’t dare invite trouble with the gods. Fear of ending up like the wyverns who lost the ability to mate to the point of extinction after one such feud has kept us compliant to them and their Undertaking. Games of dominance are also in our blood, so it seemed like a simple sport to prove worthiness in our world and not incite their wrath.
“Sunny.” Briar’s soft murmur drags me from my dark thoughts. God or no, he is not taking her from me. I would diefirst. “I see you know him.” Something akin to disappointment colors her tone, and with it, I get a new perspective. Anger starts to build, pushing down the fear of losing her.
“Of him,” I confirm.
“Now you understand why I know he isn’t coming, right?” Her voice is steady, almost hard, but so filled with emotion my own throat tightens. Pain gnaws at the remaining piece of her heart, but she doesn’t show any sign of acknowledging it. If I wasn’t her mate and didn’t sense her emotions like my own, I wouldn’t even be aware of how gutted she is by his betrayal. “There is nothing that could keep him from me. Nothing.” She shakes her head, seeming to accept her own words. Her mouth opens as if she might add more, but she only gasps for air and grits her teeth.
I can’t imagine what she is going through, because I can’t even sort out my own emotions. How can I be angry that he abandoned her and terrified that he could change his mind and come back at the same time?
“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” Only her lips move when she speaks, but there are tears rolling down her cheeks like twin rivers. That’s the moment any fear I feel gets drowned by her pain. Maybe gods truly are heartless.
ZIV
The door bounces off the wall, and I finger the flask cradled against my chest.
“She’s dying!” Kage exclaims. His eyes are glowing purple and are as wild as the paradise fields.
“She’s not,” I deny flatly, though I understand why he would think so. I could have mistaken her pain for her death myself if I didn’t know any better.
“I can feel it!” His feet carry him closer. and a new idea strikes, one much more beneficial than drinking from the flask in my hand.
“So can I, and she is not dying.” I’ve never sounded more like a god than I do in this moment, hard and unfeeling.
“What else could hurt this badly?” He grips the back of a chair to keep himself upright, his breathing labored as he feels only a portion of what Briar is experiencing.
“The realization that I’m not coming for her.” The moment I utter the words, I want to erase them from existence and deny there could be any truth to them, but I can’t.
“What?” he seethes, lifting his head to give me a glare.
“You heard me. She finally realized she’s alone—again.” Damn, I want this pain to cease, but I’m afraid if I drink what’s in the flask, the pain will remain, and I will just forget what caused it.
I allow my gaze to wander over to Kage. He is a much better solution to my problem. “You have to get word to her that she isn’t alone and that we will come for her when we know it’s safe,” he insists.
I can’t do what he wants because it would put her in more danger. I learned who facilitated Briar’s departure and know this is entirely my fault, as I suspected from the beginning. If I step foot out of the Ivy and they think for one moment I’m going to her, then they will either sever our bond or kill her. I can’t live with that knowledge for the rest of eternity. “No,” is my reply.
“No?” he scoffs, his anger pushing him to release the chair that seemed to be holding him up only seconds ago.
“That’s right, shadow. I said no.”
His eyes narrow, and my heart rate picks up. I want him to touch me so badly I can actually taste death’s sweet oblivion on my tongue. A breath passes, and he sneers down his nose at me. “You selfish motherfucker.”
Clarity hits us both at the same time. My window for death is closing. He knows I was hoping he would be the means to which I met my end. I spring from my chair and reach for the death demon’s face, the only part of him not covered, but he is quicker, dissolving into intangible smoke before my eyes. I letout a bellow that rattles the walls and breaks every piece of glass in sight, including the windows. A cool breeze whips at my face, and I want to curse the air for still moving. I hate every fucking thing on this planet, but nothing more than I hate myself.
You think I would let you off so fucking easily and what, just let Briar die because you’re weak? You can’t quit like you have with everything else because it’s hard. Get your shit together, fallen, or I will find a way to torture you for the rest of eternity. You think what those gods will do to you is bad? Just wait. You pull this shit again, and you will wish it was only them you’ll have to deal with.
