It’s still hard to accept, even when I know my father would have told me anything to keep me. It’s even harder to wrap my head around the idea that I’m worthy when I was always told I wasn’t and never would be.
“Flower?” Ziv questions as he trails his lips away from mine, blazing a path down my jaw and neck.
“Hmm?” I can’t find words now.
“You’re thinking too hard. I need you to feel.” He palms my breast, somehow putting pressure on my nipple, even through the layers of tight binding, and my thoughts shatter, leaving behind only the desire to feel that again.
My hips rock forward of their own accord, and Ziv makes a satisfied hum in response. “Better,” he encourages. The sound of my shirt ripping isn’t even enough to distract me from the feeling of his lips and tongue making a path down my chest. When he reaches my bindings, he makes another sound, this one much more rumbly, but it still does funny things to my belly.
I gasp when the cool, hard sensation of metal touches my skin. I open my eyes long enough to see a blade between my breasts before Ziv flicks it upward, slicing through the wrapping over my chest.
I don’t even think I blinked, but the knife disappears, leaving the tattered fabric slipping down my back. Air hits my chest, and the instinct to cover up is hard to ignore. “What the fuck, Briar?” he questions, staring at my chest.
I lean back enough to move my arms up and cover my breasts with my hands when the cold censure in his tone proves to be too much.
“Your bindings were too fucking tight.” He runs a gentle finger over my side, bumping over the ridges the tight material left behind on my skin. I don’t need to look down to know my flesh is red and angry in spots. I’ve been binding myself for years, always in the same way, to hide any curves I developed.I’m so used to it, it feels strange to me when I’m not tightly compressed, but it is a little easier to breathe, especially after realizing it is only the marks on my skin that caused his reaction, and those are temporary. Well, I hope they are anyway, since I haven’t been without the bindings long enough to know.
“Why would—” He cuts himself off before the query is fully formed. Our eyes meet, and his chest expands as he inhales sharply. His face goes blank, and there’s no need to hear his concern to understand Ziv is perceptive. He knows I was trying to hide my body, but I feel the need to defend myself and my reputation.
“I hated the attention. It was an avoidable distraction I could easily cover.” Admitting the truth isn’t hard, but acknowledging the reason behind it is. It was easier for me to conceal my body than it was to deal with the unwanted attention it garnered from my father if I didn’t. I despised the way he started looking at me as I got older, and when I began developing, it only got worse. He would use every opportunity he could to insist I was unfairly tempting him just by growing up, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I didn’t want him anywhere near me at any age.
Ziv’s face remains unreadable for long seconds, even after I’m done speaking. I contemplate divulging more, but I don’t know what or how much to say without making things worse, so I end up blurting out, “I am intact.”
His eyes widen, and I can’t tell if it’s because I pretty much yelled in his face or the fact that I told him I’m a virgin again. In the time it takes me to blink, he leans up on his elbows, bringing our faces closer together, and levels me with an intense stare that traps me in his gaze. “The only way that would matter is if it were stolen from you. Your body is your own.”
Something deep inside me cracks from his words and acceptance. My vision even gets hazy, but I refuse to cry.
“I can’t permit you to do this anymore though, little flower, not when it hurts you.” He caresses my side, exploring the deep grooves still creased into my skin.
I lean forward a little, only removing my arms from my breasts when our skin is close enough to touch. “I won’t do it so tightly.”
“You don’t need to do it at all,” he replies, sliding his arms around my back and pulling me closer, still kneading the lines in my skin with his fingers.
“It does feel pretty damn good to take a deep breath,” I admit, even though I very much doubt I would go with no bindings at all. “I think I will need them if you’re training me.”
Ziv makes a sound that could be a hum, but it’s too low to be called that. “It won’t only be me training you. Syrinx wants you with the other instructors as well beginning tomorrow.”
This isn’t completely unexpected, but it’s not exactly welcome either. “Great, I can’t wait to get my ass kicked by everyone all day.”
“I’m the only one with that pleasure, little flower.” He strokes his hand over my head and down my hair. “They will teach you other skills.”
I lay my palm on his chest and place my chin over top of it so I can see his face, even if the angle is strange. The fact that I’m comfortable enough to be pressed against him like this is such an anomaly, I almost lose track of what we’re talking about.
“Since I will not be with you at all times, the demon will be there when I can’t be.”
“Is that really necessary?”
“Yes, especially now that I know someone killed a novice and made it look like you were the one responsible.”
That sends my thoughts down a different path. “I didn’t know there was a name for what I am. Do you know the other void?”
“Not personally.” His fingers continue to work magic on my back, and I swear I have to stop myself from drooling on his chest.
“But you know of them?”
“I know what I’ve been told, nothing more, and just because you share the same ability doesn’t make you the same.”
“I know,” I agree readily, but there’s part of me that thinks there has to be some similarities between us, or that maybe I could learn something about myself and my capacity to withstand magical powers from them.
