“Oh…” I’m not sure if that’s a relief or not. “Is it like that for you too?” I sound hesitant.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me what you’re feeling?” His hand slides just a little lower, and he applies more pressure with the tips of his fingers, tilting my hips back. A wave of heat settles between my thighs, making me clench in anticipation.
I bite the inside of my lip. There’s no way I can put all of what I’m feeling into words. Firstly, I wouldn’t know how, and secondly, I’d probably pass out from embarrassment. How do I admit that for the first time in my life, I think I’m actually aroused?
“Tingly,” I say.
He guffaws against the back of my head, stirring my hair and making my belly flop with edgy anticipation. It’s only when my nipples prickle that I remind myself he’s laughing at me, but even then, I don’t get mad.
“I wouldn’t describe it as tingly, but I think I know what you mean. Maybe you should show me where you feel it.” Ziv presses his lips to the back of my ear again.
“Pretty much everywhere, but especially where you’re touching me.”
He makes a deep sound in his chest that rumbles through my back. His hand slides even lower and cups between my legs. A riot of feelings erupts in my head, totally at war with what is happening to my body. Fear and revulsion, two very familiar emotions when I think about sex, drown out the heady feelings of desire.
My breathing picks up, but for an entirely different reason now. Shame, swift and dark, threatens to pull me under and take me to a dark place. I hear my father’s harsh words in my head,telling me how it’s my fault he wanted to touch me and my fault for tempting him.
My teeth snapping together brings me out of my thoughts. Sharp, silver eyes swirling with some kind of emotion stare directly into mine. “What the fuck?” he curses, panting against my lips, his mouth is so close to mine.
“Sorry!” I immediately apologize the same way I would to my father when he would get so angry at me. I don’t know what made him madder—the fact that he wanted to touch me so badly, or the fact that he didn’t ever do it. I think it was the former, which is why I always tried so hard never to be alone with him. I didn’t feel like his control would last much longer, and the slight grazes he could get away with wouldn’t be enough.
“You’re shaking.” Ziv scans me then returns his gaze to mine. His lips turn a strange shade of white when he pinches his mouth tightly. “I’m only going to ask you this once, Briar.” He brings both hands up to cradle my cheeks gently. “Was it just him?”
It takes a moment for the meaning of his question to register, making it impossible to pretend he didn’t connect the dots of my visceral reaction to him touching me intimately. I start to shake my head in denial, needing to explain, but Ziv closes his eyes slowly and drops his forehead to mine. His touch is as light as a feather, but the weight of the exchange between us is heavier than anything I’ve experienced. I was never supposed to have a mate or anyone who would care about me. My father told me that over and over, so none of this makes sense.
“Who?” he rasps with his eyes still closed, and I realize he misinterpreted my denial.
“He didn’t… It never… I’m still…intact.” My face flames, and I wonder if he can feel the heat in his palms. It’s such a stupid thing to think about.
Ziv’s hands slide higher, pushing his fingertips into my hair, and he tightens his hold. “Don’t lie to me, little flower. You were terrified,” he chastises softly, and I hate that he doesn’t believe me.
“I’m not lying,” I insist. “He wanted… He was messed up. I don’t want to talk about him.”Or me.
ZIV
I have never in my life felt more rage than I do in this moment. The air around us is poised with power. One wrong thought from me, and this entire school will come down, crushing everyone in or around the structure, yet Briar stands in front of me completely oblivious to the danger surrounding her. In one of my thoughts, I realize she is vulnerable to some magic. If the stone above us collapsed, she would certainly be crushed, but that is just a consideration for the future. Right now, most of my focus is on this moment and the fear she felt when I touched her between her legs. Prior to that instance, she was soft against me, and her arousal was evident, not only in the way her small curves were cradled against me, but in her heady scent. There was no doubt I would find her wet and ready for me if I were to dip my fingers inside her.
It was as if a switch was flipped the second I felt her heat against my palm. Her scent soured with the acidic odor of dread,and her body locked up, every muscle going rigid and stiff. I panicked when she didn’t come around right away when I called her name, which is how I ended up shaking her.
As the life returned to her eyes, so did the cloying aroma of shame. My mind already pieced together what could have happened to her, and the images are enough to make me want to slaughter a village, maybe more. I will begin with her father, but I need to know if he was complicit or complacent and allowed it to happen. Either way, he’s as good as dead when I’ve decided he’s suffered enough, which might take an eternity.
“He didn’t… It never… I’m still…intact,” Briar stutters with wide, pleading eyes.
“Don’t lie to me, little flower. You were terrified.” Images of her, scared and alone, manifest in my thoughts, and the ground trembles. I use my will to create a forcefield of sorts around us, protecting her if I lose what little control I have left, but then I quickly realize it would be foolish to rely on magic to protect her. For all I know, she could absorb it, rendering the protection useless.
I ground myself by pulling her closer, and the fact that she doesn’t resist aids in tempering my rage.
“I’m not lying. He wanted… He was messed up. I don’t want to talk about him,” she tells me with a pleading stare. It’s not hard to hear the things she didn’t say—he wanted to touch her and hurt her, but something stopped him from taking it that far.
The relief I feel as the truth of her words sinks in is probably one of the reasons I could only ever be a fallen god. I’m far too selfish and hungry for retribution to ever be merciful.
I lay my lips on her temple, imagining her faceless father’s death a million different ways, yet none are brutal enough. When the demon comes to her this night, I will seek out the man who raised her and begin to dole out my flower’s vengeance.
KAGE
The hard pounding on my door should have alerted me that shit was about to go sideways, but in truth, I was too surprised to appreciate the warning. Ziv looms in the corridor when I open the door, seething by the looks of it.
Then I remember I’m pissed too. He told me he wouldn’t cut me out, but that’s exactly what he did today when he took Briar into the smaller field. “What?” I lean my shoulder against the doorframe in a clear sign I’m not inviting him into my space.
