The fact that I don’t want him to stop hits me hard and fast, and a fissure of panic tries to well up inside me, but I don’t let it. Instead, I remind myself that this is what I want and that I’ve never wanted it more. I’m not a child at the mercy of a man three times my age and size. I’m with the one person who protected me, a man who I’m certain would stop at a moment’s notice.
His lips are back on mine, obliterating the hesitation making me second-guess how he makes me feel. Something I can’t name but seems too big to be contained by my skin rattles around inside me, knocking down boundaries I erected long ago.
Winger’s hand skims down my side while his tongue slides against mine, and a sigh escapes me. That is foreign too. I tug at his shirt, which is tucked into his pants, eager to feel his skin under my palms to see if I can memorize all the ink on his skin with my fingertips, but he stills my hand and rests his forehead against mine, ending the kiss.
I don’t know why he stopped me. I can feel his hardness pushing against me even now. I know he wants me, but I still feel rejected. A self-deprecating laugh threatens to bubble up my throat, but I manage to stifle it as I back away.
There is only one thing that comes to mind when I wonder why he stopped me from touching him. He knows about my past, he already admitted that, so he probably thinks I’m tainted, ruined by the ones who came before him. I’ve felt the same thing for years, so I can’t even blame him.
“Max,” Winger murmurs softly, dejectedly, as if he knows I picked up on his reason for stopping. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t…” Words seem to fail him while I’m stuffed to the brim with things I want to say.
I open my mouth to accuse him of leading me on when he felt like I was damaged, but I can’t force the words out because I can’t bear to hear the answer.
“I didn’t mean to rush you. I just—” His hands flex at his sides, opening and closing into fists. “I want you to know any time… If you ever want me to… I would never hurt you.” He blows out a huff as if he’s frustrated with himself.
I will not cry. “You’re doing a fine job of it right now.” My voice is hard and tight, and a bitter laugh escapes me. “The first time I actually want to be with a man and…” I blow a raspberry. I can’t bring myself to say,He shuts me down cold. “I get it. You felt sorry for me.” I shrug, trying to make it seem like I’m not being ripped apart on the inside from the same fucking knives that have gutted me since I was too young to understand the kind of pain I was in.
Winger lunges for me, grabbing the back of my neck and putting us nose to nose. I don’t move. Every muscle in my body locks down, and even my lungs refuse to work.
“I do not feel sorry for you. I never fucking have. I just want you so badly, I’m afraid I’m going to scare you.” His eyes roam over my face. “If I had my way, I would probably smother you and never let you out of my sight, my house, or my bed. It’s fucked up. I know it’s fucked up, and I’m trying to cope so I don’t send you running, because I would hunt you down, Max. You are mine in every sense of the word, and I am yours, which means I would cut off my own dick before I would hurt you.”
I inhale and gape, because now I’m the one at a loss for words. All I can do is stare at him, wide-eyed and exposed. I don’t know why I want to be owned by Winger. Maybe it’s because I know he’s strong enough to protect me from everyone else, or maybe it’s because, deep down, I know he’s damaged too. I sensed it in him the very first time I laid eyes on him. Neither explanation validates how I feel. There might be a kernel of truth in both, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter, because I do want to be owned by Winger.
With slow certainty, I lean up and kiss him, keeping my eyes open when I murmur against his mouth. “I want to touch you, Winger. I want you to touch me and make me feel safe,” I confess.
His eyes close slowly, and he wraps his arms around my back, crushing me to him so tightly, I have to turn my face to the side to breathe. His hold is possessive and exactly what I asked for, and when his lips find the tender skin behind my ear and glide down my neck, I shiver in his embrace.
“I’m going to tell you this once, and only once. If youeverneed space or want me to stop, tell me. I will never push you or be mad at you.” His promise is spoken softly into my ear, where it settles over my heart.
I press myself against him even harder. I didn’t know I needed to hear those words, but he did. He knew I needed them.
His arms stay banded around my back for a long time, and I don’t feel the need to pull away or make a joke. Being in his arms without any expectations is blissful.
CHAPTER27
WINGER
When we finally make it downstairs and back to the computer, the dot on the screen is stationary.
“He’s not at Polaris.” Max squints at the map.
“Let’s see where he is.” I hum while retrieving my phone. Iron picks up on the second ring, and I say, “You’re on speaker. Can you check an address for me?”
“Hello, how are you, Iron? Thank you for finding me a loft so last minute. You’re so amazing,” he teases, then he grows serious when he asks, “How’s the rooftop?”
“I’ll send you some pictures I just took if you give me details on a property,” I barter. I snapped a few photos when Max returned my phone while we were still outside.
“I could hack your phone and take them now,” Iron grumbles, but I can already hear him typing. “Address?”
“32059 Falcon Trail, Boston Township, Ohio.”
“Give me ten minutes and send over the pictures.” The line goes dead.
I send the shots I took of the terrace, making sure to show the wall between the two sides to give Iron an idea of what it could look like if he had neighbors.
Max curls up on the couch with her feet under her, pulling the blanket that was draped over the back onto her lap. I don’t know how she could be cold. I’m still burning up from her being wrapped around me, but I’d gladly deal with it if she cozied up to me again.
I almost lost it for a minute there. I was trying to tell her there was no need to rush into anything, but every fucking thing that came out of my mouth was wrong. Finally, I just stopped worrying about saying the right thing and told her the truth, which is what Rex told me to do.
