“Make a left, then a right at the light.” I’m eager to talk to her about school since I don’t want to fuck anything up again. Once she gets on the road, I start. “I haven’t talked to Hilbrand yet. I want to do it in person, and I took the afternoon off.” I don’t want it to sound like I’m making excuses, but that’s what it feels like.
Waylynn glances over at me. “Then thiscouldget you in trouble.” Her tone is lacking her usual soft quality.
“I’m not going to lie to placate you. You’re too smart, and I respect you too much for that, but I will ask you to let me worry about it. I’ll talk to her tomorrow and explain that…” I run my hand over my hair, unsure how much I should divulge.
“Explain what?” She’s sitting forward, gripping the steering wheel while stealing quick glances at me.
“How much I tell her is up to you.” The moment the words are out of my mouth, it feels like I’m giving her another burden instead of my intent, which was to make things easier. “I can tell her you’re with Oz and I don’t feel comfortable grading you because of the connection, or I can tell her the truth.”
“Whatisthe truth?” She bites the corner of her lip but keeps her eyes on the road.
“That you’re ours, and I would step down from my position before I risked losing you over it.”
Waylynn jerks her head to the right and gawks at me, but something in her eyes softens the moment our eyes connect. “You can’t do that. I already dropped the class,” she pleads.
I should have told her to turn a mile ago, but it doesn’t seem important right now. “I don’t want you to drop the class. I don’t want to step down either, but I will because I’m not giving you up.” Other than moving onto campus and leaving Oswald with Bates’ parents, this feels like the most important decision I could make. It’s selfish and could fuck things up for all of us, but I also know it’s worth it.
The last few days have solidified just how important she is to me, and I refuse to give that up.
Waylynn
Memphis’words wiggle their way into my heart and every other organ I own until my entire body feels filled with his confession. The problem is, it’s terrifying how badly I want to be as important to him as he’s making me seem. I want to forget how this could blow up in my face and how horrible the last couple days without them were, but I’m scared.
I’m scared of what they will think if I tell them the truth—that I’m still hearing voices, and worse yet, that the voices belong to them. That will surely have them running for the hills and calling the hospital for a 5150 on the way. “You can’t do that. I already dropped the class,” I argue.
“I’m not giving you up,” are the next words that get stuck in my head. I swear I hear them echo in my mind and out loud—proof I should tell him about my past.
“You don’t even know me.” I try to sound like I’m being dismissive, but it comes out all wrong—part challenge, part plea.
“I know that I have never felt for anyone the way I do about you. I know you give me something I didn’t even know I was missing, and I know I want to possess every inch of you. The other shit will come,” Memphis says with complete confidence.
“So you want to have sex with me,” I scoff, but it’s only because the other stuff feels too real to say out loud.
Memphis gives me a droll stare and calls me out on my crap. “Since the first time you looked up at me and called me Mr. Gravlin, but don’t pretend that’s what is important.”
“Since then? I thought you hated me,” I mutter mostly to myself.
“I hated how much you affected me and how badly I wanted to know everything about you when I didn’t even know your name,” he admits without shame.
“I don’t think you should risk your career or put it on hold for…this,” I tell him. Once he knows the truth about me, he’ll regret it.
“It’s notthisor justyou.It’s us. I have put the needs and wants of everyone else before my own since I was a kid cleaning up after my parents. I did it for Oswald because he deserves better, but…so do I,” Memphis says slowly, as if he’s only now coming to that conclusion since the words have been uttered out loud.
“You do deserve better, Memphis. I’m just saying I might not be that.”
“Make a left when you can. We passed it,” he grumbles darkly.
For the next few minutes, he just gives me traffic directions, and my heart actually sinks. I did what I set out to accomplish. He’s distant and a little gruff. I hate it.
He told me things girls dream of hearing, and I was too afraid to listen, too scared for them to be true. I feel like crying.
When I park the car in front of a chain pizza place he directed me to, Memphis threatens, “Get out of the car,” in a menacing voice.
I snap into action, not even shutting the engine off. The minute I’m standing, he pushes me back against my door with the weight of his body. It’s hot outside, but it’s nothing compared to the heat of him pressed into me. Memphis tips my face up, so I have to look at him with his fingers pressed under my jaw. “Do you want this?” I open my mouth to answer, but I’m not even sure what I’m going to say before he interrupts, demanding, “And don’t you dare lie to me, because I will know.”
I search his eyes, feeling a slight edge of panic welling up inside me that’s reflected in his gaze. If I tell him no, I think he really will leave me alone. My stomach sours.
“Yes,” I whisper, even though it’s selfish and it’s going to hurt even worse when they do leave. I will eventually have to tell them the truth, but I can’t force myself to lie and tell him I don’t want this. I won’t even try.
