The car is very quiet, so quiet, I feel like my breathing is way too loud and I try to calm it, but it only ends up making me sound like I’m about to start hyperventilating.
“If you’re not ready…” Felix murmurs softly, and I’m pulled into the green depths of his eyes. I recall the first time I felt so completely transfixed by him. Until that day, he barely even spoke to me, and just like that, the memory consumes me.
We’d been playing for a while when Grayson’s mom called him in for dinner. Remy was always lured by the thought of food, so he went home to eat too, leaving just Felix and me at the park. I didn’t think he liked me much. I could count on one hand how many words he’d said to me.
“Bye.” I waved over my shoulder, even though it seemed like he was going to stick around. Felix pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, not even acknowledging that I spoke to him even though he was looking right at me.
I was halfway up the block when I realized I’d left my jacket on the monkey bars. Dad told me I would have to cut Mrs. Prescott’s grass all summer if I lost another one, so I jogged back.
I noticed Felix first. He wasn’t in the field where I’d left him. Instead, he was next to the swings with my jacket folded over his arm. I stopped as he approached.
“You forgot this,” he said, still holding my coat. His voice was deep, way deeper than the other guys’, but I liked the way it sounded.
“Thanks, I would have gotten in so much trouble,” I told him gratefully. When I went to reach for the jacket, he twisted, keeping it out of my grasp.
“We would have helped with Mrs. Prescott’s lawn. Want me to walk you home?” His eyes were kind of squinty behind his glasses, like he thought I was going to say something bad. I couldn’t believe he knew about cutting her grass.
“You won’t get in trouble?” I asked. Felix had never been to my house, and I always had to tell Dad exactly where I was going and when I’d be home.
“No, sorry I didn’t offer sooner.” He looked down at the ground before handing over my jacket.
“It’s okay, I’m not a baby,” I said. I was always so worried about the guys thinking I couldn’t do what they could.
“I know you’re not, but I don’t want anything happening to you.” I got a funny feeling in my stomach when he said that, just like when Mr. Brutti said we were going to have a pop quiz.
I didn’t know what to say, so we just ended up staring at each other. That was when I noticed how green his eyes were. My lips parted, and I almost blurted out how pretty they were, but a rush of air came out instead.
For a second, I thought I lost my voice, but that feeling of excitement and nervousness built in my stomach, and I realized I liked Felix. Ilikedhim, liked him. It wasn’t a surprise. I liked all three of the guys, but it was the first time I could admit, even to myself, that I didn’t want him looking at other girls, especially with those pretty green eyes. They would all think they loved him, and he was mine.
I take a deep breath, returning to the present. “Your eyes are so pretty.” Not for the first time, I tell him what I didn’t have the nerve to say back then. “I’m ready.”
IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, IT’S ONLY ATTEMPTED MURDER.
The ride home is pretty quiet, considering the bombshell that just landed. I expect Remy to make some crass comments or make a joke about rushing home before I change my mind, but none of that happens.
The same self-doubt I struggled with years ago tries to worm its way into my thoughts. Maybe they don’t really want this, or I’m making them think this is our only option so they have to take it.
Gray starts to fidget in the front seat like he can’t get comfortable. Percy is the one to break the silence.Is this ritual going to turn you into a praying mantis?
“What kind of question is that?” I snap.
“What is she talking about?” Remy looks back at us in the rearview mirror.
“He asked if she was going to turn into a praying mantis,” Felix answers.
I expected more frivolity. They are acting as if it’s a death sentence, so I thought you might be planning on killing and consuming them after the ritual, considering their less than exuberant response. Just so we’re clear, I fully support you and your dietary habits.
“I am not going to kill or eat them, Percival,” I snarl through clenched teeth.
“What?” Remy starts to chuckle, but it dies a quick death when what I said finally sinks in. “I don’t think I want to know what he said.” Remy looks over at Gray.
I don’t blame him. I wish I could unhear it myself.
“We’re exuberant,” Felix defends, seeming more offended by that accusation than the part where I murder him.
Percy makes a chittering sound that comes off like dark laughter.Maybe it’s not her who isn’t ready.
“That’s enough,” I mutter softly, and thankfully, Felix doesn’t try to argue. Point made, Percy climbs his way up my sleeve and circles his tail around my neck before settling on my shoulder for the rest of the ride home.
