I lose a little of my steam when I enter the barn and flip the overhead bulbs on. This is my place, my sanctuary. The smell of hay, oats, and horses works to extinguish my anger the same way they always have.
Rafe tugs the door shut behind him and stands in front of it as if to stop me from escaping. “I own The Dollhouse.” He lowers his chin and examines me for a reaction.
“Explain how I could work there for two years and never once see you.”
“Because I didn’t want you to,” he answers simply.
“Why?” I toss my hands in the air. I feel so dumb. Did everyone else there know I was supposed to be kept in the dark? “What is the point of all this?”
Rafe clenches and unclenches his fists, which are hanging at his sides. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? For two years, you made an effort to avoid me, but when I quit, you insert yourself into my life?” I wait for him to say something, but he just continues to stand there looking at me. “If you don’t have anything to say, you can just go.”
“I’m not leaving.”I’m trying to stay calm, but it’s a losing battle. She’s watching me like she does everyone else, like I want a piece of her that she’s not willing to give.
“Then I will.” Her face hardens, and she prepares to move past me, but there’s no way I will allow that to happen.
“I saw you the first night you came into the club. You didn’t even acknowledge me when you walked by,” I blurt, and she pauses to look at me with narrowed eyes. “Winger was about to tell you to get lost, and I stopped him.” I lick my lips, and she rocks back on her heels, no longer trying to get away from me. “I can’t explain why, there was just something there when I looked at you.”
I need to give her an explanation that isn’t going to have her filing a restraining order, not that it would matter anyway. Examining the reason for my obsession is a lot less amusing than indulging in it. “You were desperate, I could see it in your eyes, and I knew if I let you walk out that door, everything that made youyouwould be sliced away until you didn’t recognize yourself anymore, and I couldn’t let that happen.”
Lucy glances down at the ground briefly, then back up at me, waiting for more. I feel like I just sliced open my chest and she wants more.
“At first, I told myself it was because I wanted to watch your ruin, to be part of the filth that would change you and make you one of us, but even then, I knew it wasn’t true. I instructed Winger to hire you and tell everyone you were officially off limits. Within a week, I stopped coming to the club any night you were there because I couldn’t handle them looking at you. I already knew you were mine, meant for me, but I was content with just watching you from afar, making sure you were safe.” The words start to pour out of me.
Lucy lowers herself to sit on an old barrel like her legs can’t quite hold her up any longer, and I know the feeling.
“Then you took that time off, and I felt you slipping away. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“You mean when I quit?” She tilts her head to the side.
“No, before.”
“I didn’t take time off, Winger made me. He said he needed me away from the club for a while. I thought it was because he was always intervening for me with customers.”
Oh, that motherfucker.He probably realized I wouldn’t be able to keep myself away from her for much longer and was trying to get her away from me. I think I might kill him.
“I knew he was trying to get rid of me.” She scowls, not comprehending he was trying to protect her from me. With her beautiful face still pinched, she looks at me. “So you really were stalking me.”
I shrug, because there’s no way to deny it, not now. “I was keeping you safe,” I offer, even though it didn’t always feel like that, even to myself. The shit I feel for her confuses me. She tilts her head in a way that makes me think she might not be easily convinced of my altruistic motives. Smart girl, my girl.
“You can be pissed, but you’ll need to get over it eventually. I’m not going anywhere.”
She scoffs at my declaration. Maybe I should have gone for something smoother, nicer, like asking her to forgive me instead.
“So you’re telling me I have to accept the fact that my boyfriend is a stalker?”
I grin victoriously at her words. “I’ll accept the term boyfriend for now, but yeah. Pretty much.” Her eyes flare wide, and I don’t know if it’s from her own slipup or my answer.
“You made me look like an idiot,” she snaps, proving she’s still mad, even though I eviscerated myself for her.
“No, I made you my queen.” Once I say the words, I know they are true. No matter how much I told myself people didn’t know about my obsession with her, they would have to be idiots not to. I put a target on her back the moment I told everyone she was off limits. I pretended her age was the reason, but that excuse died several months ago, along with my willpower.
“This isn’t normal.” She’s mostly talking to herself. Well, I think she is anyway, because I don’t give a fuck about normal.
“Does knowingI wanted you sooner change how you feel about me?” Rafe’s words come out as a challenge. I don’t know how to answer him. Part of me acknowledges that his level of deceit should scare me, especially since he’s already told me about the violence he’s capable of, but damn if another part of me doesn’t think it’s stupidly romantic. He’s been watching over me for years, keeping me safe when I didn’t even realize it, and that’s got to mean something, right? Or maybe I’m just telling myself that because I want it to be true.
“What would happen if it did?” Rafe blinks at me several times, seemingly surprised by my question. “Would you hurt me?” I clarify.
