Chapter 14
My fingers are sticky with cinnamon and sugar, but I don’t let that stop me from tearing off another hunk of funnel cake and placing it in my mouth. I look over at Rafe when I drop my chin and pull my fingers out from between my lips. I bet I look like a pig, but he doesn’t seem disgusted.
He’s watching me like he wants a taste. I offer him the soggy paper plate filled with fried goodness, but he pushes my hand to the side as he moves in closer to me. “Do you want some?” I ask with my teeth clenched and my lips barely moving so I don’t end up showing him a mouthful of dough.
Without answering, he leans down and licks my bottom lip before pulling back to look into my eyes. My heart races in my chest. I don’t even know when it started beating so fast, but I feel like I just ran a mile. Still not speaking, he grabs my free hand and pulls me toward the row of games.
Carnies holler to us as we pass, spitting small, childish rhymes designed to entice us to play the rigged games and to make us feel like a loser if we choose not to. The prizes are a little better quality than the smaller carnivals I’ve been to, and there’s even a bear that’s embroidered to look like a Day of the Dead skeleton. Rafe looks back at me as I glance at it while we’re walking past, and then he backtracks toward the game.
The gamekeeper leans forward and practically shoves three balls into Rafe’s hand. “Win your girl the bear. Give her something to cuddle.” The man makes a point of looking over at me and winking. “Only five bucks for three tries. You look like you might know how to throw a ball.” His words come out encouraging and slightly insulting at the same time.
“These games are rigged. Don’t waste your money,” I warn, narrowing my eyes on the guy. I get he’s just doing his job, but the wink and the polite insults are a bit much.
Rafe shoves his hand into his front pocket and peels a fifty-dollar bill off a wad. My brows rise, but I look away. That was a big stack of cash, and there was another fifty under the one he took. I can’t help but wonder if they were all big bills. “Don’t look at my girl again or we’re gonna have a problem. Move over,” he demands after tossing the fifty onto the little table dividing us from the booth. My stomach does a little flip when I hear his words, and I grin. I like being called his girl, even if it’s not really true.
The carney is quick to snatch up the bill and place it into the center of his own large stack of cash. His is made up of mostly ones, though, from the looks of it. “All you gotta do is keep all three balls in the basket and make sure they don’t bounce out, then you can pick any prize you see.” The man waves his hands around his little booth as if what he’s offering are treasures.
I stand back and take another bite of my funnel cake while I watch Rafe as he softly lobs the first three balls into the wicker basket. One stays inside, and the other two bounce back out after hitting the back. He impatiently motions for the man to give him three more balls. I already warned him this was a waste of money, so I’m not going to bother telling him again. He fairs better on the second throw, two balls stay put and only one bounces out, but the third and fourth attempts are worse. By the seventh toss, I’m getting bored, and Rafe is clearly frustrated. It doesn’t help that the carney keeps making hissing sounds and saying, “So close,” every time he misses.
Finally, Rafe points at the thin man and snaps, “Keep your mouth shut.” The man wisely pretends to zip his lips closed and raises his hands in surrender. Rafe rolls his head on his shoulders and lobs the balls gently into the basket. Finally, they all stay put. Rafe points to the embroidered bear without another word. The carney pulls one from the back that’s still wrapped in plastic and hands it over.
“He owes you ten dollars,” I say after accepting the admittedly adorable bear. Rafe ignores my statement and places his arm around my shoulders, guiding me away from the booth. When I glance back, the carney winks at me again and grins.
I make sure not to look too closely at any of the other prizes as we make our way down the center and back toward the main entrance of the fair. When we pass a trash can, I toss what’s left of my funnel cake into the bin, then pause to unwrap the bear. His nose is a little misshapen, but it’s still adorable, not to mention it’s the first time anyone has ever won me anything at a carnival. I bet the smile on my face is dopey, but I don’t even care. When I look up after fluffing the flattened fur, Rafe is watching me.
“Was he right? Are you going to cuddle him?” Rafe’s question is teasing, but he sounds strangely serious.
I indulge him by wrapping the bear even tighter in my arms and lowering my face to nuzzle it. “Yup.”
“I think I want to cut its head off,” he comments blandly.
I click my tongue at him. “Don’t be jealous. I promise to think of you every time I see him.” This flirting thing isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. It kind of comes naturally to me when I talk to him.
“I guess I can accept that…for now.” He gives me a half grin that makes my heart skip a beat. He really is very handsome.
We spend another hour walking around and taking turns on some of the tamer rides. Rafe even helps me get onto one of the higher carousel horses without me asking, then safely tucks my bear between me and the pole. When I grab the pole, my smile falters enough that he notices.
He tilts his head to the side and asks, “What?” My face must give too much away, because he can read me as easily as Gwen or my mom.
“Nothing,” I reply, dismissing his question, but really, I’m wondering what he would think about me if he knew I used to dance on a pole for a living. Would he make assumptions about me because of it? Would he even be with me if he knew? Am I obligated to bring something like that up? It’s not like we’re serious or anything. It’s our first date, for heaven’s sake, so why am I even thinking about this? But now that I am, I can’t stop.
His face doesn’t give me any indication that he doesn’t believe me, but I feel like he doesn’t. That may just be my own guilt making me feel that way though. He probably has a right to know at some point, but I don’t feel like that moment is now.
He gets on the horse next to me smoothly and places his hands on his thighs over his jeans. I look around at everyone else with their hands on the metal poles like it’s no big deal and give myself a tiny little pep talk. I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I did. I kept a roof over our heads, and if I hadn’t, I probably never would have met Rafe. I am who I am today because of what I’ve been through, and I can’t even say I regret it. If he or anyone else can’t accept that, then I don’t need them in my life.
“You ready to get out of here after this?” Rafe asks over the loud calliope music being pumped through the speakers.
“Sure,” I answer a little too quickly. I’m more than eager to get out of my own head and away from these deep thoughts that seem pointless right now.
Rafe keeps his eyes on me for most of the ride, and I start to feel self-conscious, like I have something on my face or a booger hanging out of my nose. Eventually, I make a face at him when I can’t ignore it anymore. “What?”
“I like looking at you,” he states unabashedly, and a blush covers my cheeks. I’m not sure how to respond, so I don’t. I like looking at him too, I’m just not brave enough to say it yet, despite what I said earlier about staring at him all day.
When the ride slows, Rafe hops off and places his hands on my waist to help me dismount. As he lowers me down his body, he makes sure I feel every inch of him brushing against my front. I feel like I’m getting in over my head, but I don’t care. I like him, like his bluntness and the way he looks at me. I’m probably setting myself up for a big fall if this doesn’t go anywhere, but so the hell what? I’ve always done what was best for everyone, even if it meant selling a piece of my soul to do it. This time, I want to do something that’s selfish and maybe a little bit stupid.
Before he can release me, I lean up on my toes and give him a kiss. It’s not as seductive as his, but I hope it shows him I’m interested. He’s completely still for half a breath, then he tightens his hold on me and deepens the kiss.
“Get you some, man,” a guy yells, and I break away from Rafe, hiding my face against his torso. I can hear how fast his heart is beating and feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He takes my hand, and we exit the ride without acknowledging the guy’s statement.
