CHAPTER TEN
CLAY
I’m good at avoiding thinking about shit. All I need is a project and my tools, and I set my mind to work, and everything else disappears.
The day after I fix Nicholas’s shelves, I do just that. Waiting for the shop to close for the day so I can unload the basement, I don’t let myself rest. After making some phone calls and failing to get through to the electric company yet again, I rehang the upstairs bedroom door. Fix the leaky faucets. Sand the flaking paint off the windowsills.
I spend the whole day upstairs, sweating, but I still can’t manage to keep the conversation from yesterday out of mind.
Was Nicholas suggesting that he wants to hook up with me?
I put the sanding block down, pause to wipe sweat from my forehead. Then I remember how good it felt to work alongside him yesterday. I consider the fact that I opened up, sharing more than I usually share.
Can’t remember the last time someone asked me questions like that about myself, let alone the last time I answered.
And I think about the fact that he’s right. I could experiment with a man while I’m in town. I’ve already outed myself, and ifit’s a disaster, I’ll leave the state soon anyway. No one ever has to know about it.
But I don’t catch myself wondering about a random hookup. I catch myself wondering about Nicholas. How’d he feel, how he’d smell.
I set the hammer down, my heart racing.
It’s the end of the day, which means the shop should be closing. I’ll probably just wait until I’m sure Nicholas is gone. Keep it easy today.
Fight this urge to walk downstairs and fix something again.
A pounding at the front door grabs my attention. Frowning, I go over and yank it open.
Nance stands at the landing with Nicholas behind her.
“Come on,” she says. “We’re unloading the basement.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
“We’re the welcome committee,” she adds bluntly and glances quickly to Nicholas, looking for backup as though I’m being difficult. “Now do you want help or not?”
Nicholas steps out from behind her and smiles, and something twitches inside me. Today, he has a flower-printed blazer over a plain black t-shirt, and he runs his fingers down the buttons as he talks. “Hi! We all decided to help you start the basement project. Is now a good time?”
I furrow my brow, not sure if I understand.
“You’re going to… help?”
Why would they help me?
But Nicholas nods. “Unless you want to turn us down, which I would strongly advise against. There’s a lot of old gay junk to move.”
It only takes me a second to decide. “Okay. Yes. I’ll be right down.”
Confused, I step back inside to gulp a glass of water, devour a couple protein bars, and put on my boots.
I did help Nicholas out last night, so I guess it makes sense for him to return the favor. I shouldn’t take it to mean that he likes me.
And I know for certain that Nance and Sue don’t like me.
This must be transactional, I reason as I tromp down the stairs. It’s in everyone’s interest to clean out the basement and find out if the foundation will hold, and the sooner it’s done, the sooner they’ll be rid of me.
When I get to the stairs, I see that the door to the rear is open, and there’s a dolly waiting and ready to be loaded. Sue is in jeans and a t-shirt, Nicholas has removed his jacket, and everyone has work gloves on.
I push a hand through my hair. “Cool,” I say. “Thanks, uh, everyone. For helping.”
