“She’ll be at the cup game. It’s after her last exam,” I point out, hoping that will help.
“I just feel like I should be supporting her somehow, you know?” He shakes his head. “But I also think it’s really cool that she’s launching this whole business on her own, and I get that grad finals are serious. I respect those things about her. So now I’m bummedandI’m worried that I’m an asshole.”
“Damn. I don’t think you’re an asshole, buddy.”
Kevyn gives me a half-smile. “Thanks. I don’t know. It’s, like, we’re about to play the most exciting game of our careers. We’re about to face Boston for the MLS Cup, man, and I guess I want to share that with her.” He sighs. “Even though I know this isn’t a serious relationship. How are you doing?” he asks, changing the subject. “Holding up?”
I place my hand on my clavicle. “Yeah. Good. Wouldn’t even know I was injured.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not what I mean.” He hesitates, but tries again. “I saw that TikTok video is still making the rounds,” he prompts me.
I swallow.
My coaches have enough faith in Troy that, when he came to the field and assured them the agency was taking care of the potential scandal, they seemed to accept it. The other players haven’t really mentioned it, either. I know the guys are aware, but with the pressure on us all right now, I think they’re trying to ignore it, just like I am.
“Yeah,” I say and squirt some water into my mouth. “Gotta change the story with a big win, right?”
Kevyn nods, but he doesn’t quite drop it. “I’m not assuming anything, but if you were gay or whatever, I hope you know that’s cool. With me and the rest of the guys.”
A surprising wave of relief washes over me. I know my teammates aren’t bigots, but having Kevyn take the time to reassure me means a lot. Especially after I’ve been carrying around so much guilt that I’ve failed them by causing another distraction.
“Thanks, man.” Troy might not be ready to have a public relationship with me, but I realize that doesn’t stop me from coming out to my friend and teammate. “And yeah,” I add. “I’m bi. I’m just starting to tell people, though, so please don’t spread it around yet.”
His face lights up. “Cool, man. My sister is bi.” He scrunches his nose. “Is that a weird thing to mention?”
I smile at him, grateful that something can be easy for once. “No, it’s chill.”
“Does that mean the rumors are true about you having some guy?” he asks. “It sucks that you got outed, either way.”
I puff out a breath. “Yeah. Like I told you the other week, I’ve been seeing someone. But I’m not sure what’s up with us anymore.”
“Sorry to hear that.” He sighs. “Man, relationship problems are the worst. What happened with your man?”
I lie back down and stare at the hotel ceiling. “It’s kind of hard to explain. But I think he might not want a relationship.”
My heart breaks when I say it, but it’s probably true.
Troy never suggested he wanted to be my boyfriend or marry me or anything romantic. Sure, he acted the way I’d want my man to act. He took care of me and encouraged me and challenged me to be my best, and he did it all with his unique style of grumpy affection.
He’s totally lovable, and I’m convinced I could make him happy, too. Without me, he might just retreat back into his cave, and I hate that.
But that doesn’t mean he’s going to be my boyfriend.
“That sucks. You can’t make someone want something they don’t. All you can do is accept what they’re available for and decide for yourself whether you want that, too.”
It’s hard advice, and I know he’s telling himself the same thing. Stace likes him a lot, but she’s not going to waver when she’s focused on a goal like this. She’s going to establish her business before she considers a relationship with a pro.
“Yeah,” I agree. “And you’re right. It’s hard.”
I look at my teammate, glad to feel a little grounded with him, even if we’re both sad sacks of shit at the moment.
I’m lost with my own situation, but talking with Kevyn, I realize maybe I could help him a little. I make an excuse to pull out my phone and text Stace. This is definitely something I need to run by her first.
Orlando: Would you enjoy a quick visit from me and Kevyn at the library early tomorrow morning? Just ten minutes to drop off fuel and wish you good luck.
Orlando: We can stop by on the way home from the retreat.
I’m not sure if she’ll even be looking at her phone, but I’m surprised to get an immediate response.
