“We ran into each other, and he shoved me first,” I say, my voice pleading. “It escalated. I’m sorry. I should have just walked away. I know that’s what you would have wanted.”
He looks up, pained. “That was awful, Gabriel. It fucked me up to see you two. I’m lucky I survived the match.”
Fuck. He’s going to leave me.
“I can’t go back to the stadium,” I blurt out. “They asked me not to, anyway.”
“You’re banned from the stadium? Gabriel. That’s serious.”
I’m so upset. I hurt Spencer. I embarrassed us in front of the entire world. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“I can leave,” I tell him. The words come out even as I’m begging him internally to let me stay. “If it makes things easier to not have me around, I can leave.”
Spencer looks up at me, sad. “I don’t know,” he says. I think maybe he’s going to say that it’s fine. I’m forgiven. I can stay. But he shakes his head and looks down again. “Maybe. It’s hard to think.”
My heart sinks.
Of course. I’m a distraction, but not in a good way.
I push my hand through my hair, trying to hide my heartbreak. “Right. Never stick around the site of a scandal, right?” I try to force a smile. “I’ll head straight to our PR teams. See if we can get the story under control so you can concentrate on your game.”
Spencer nods slowly. “Yeah,” he says, voice numb. “I guess that makes sense.”
It does make sense. He was already one of the best before me. Spencer doesn’t need me here.
He stands. “I’ve got an emergency session with my coach and trainer. I need to put my game back in order.”
“Sure. I guess I can catch a flight tonight.”
“Okay,” he says.
We step close to each other. I want to hold him so bad, but there’s tension ricocheting between us, distance I can’t close.
Spencer kisses me. His lips brush over mine, and for one brief second, my feet touch the earth again. Something inside me screams that I shouldn’t leave, but it’s too late, and he pulls his lips back, breaking the kiss.
“I’ll see you soon, Gabriel.” Then, he’s gone.
CHAPTERTHIRTY
GABRIEL
In Seattle,I’m an absolute wreck.
All I can think about is Spencer and the crushing reality that I’ve probably ruined our relationship. I’m desperate to be with him, to find a way to apologize and make this right.
But why would he forgive me? Spencer trusted me, and I let him down.
This isn’t the same as my past relationships. Spencer isn’t Zel or Amos or Aurora. But my heart is breaking every minute, and I’m sick with the fear that I’ll never see him again. That he’ll decide what each of them decided, that I’m not worth their love.
At first, I lock myself in my loft. I turn his next match on the big TV and watch the entire thing with my heart in my throat, searching his expression for any sign of how he’s doing. It’s hard enough that he has to compete in this tournament after the stunt his dad pulled. Now that I’ve made it so much worse, creating a viral story out of my confrontation with Douglas Wilchins, I’m wracked with guilt.
Every point he loses, I blame myself. When he finally pulls out a win, the relief is so complete, I nearly puke.
I can’t derail his career. He’s spent years dedicated to his success, and if I ruin that for him, I’ll never forgive myself.
I pace around the loft after the match, strumming my guitar, and there are memories of the man I married in every corner. My mind flashes back to his visit only a month ago. I remember the warmth of his body in my bed, the pure joy of spending a night out with him, the softness of his laugh. It seemed so possible that I could make him happy, but now, doubts cloud over every good feeling.
Finally, when I realize I can’t escape the memories at home, I hop on my motorcycle and drive to the recording studio. Fox told me that he would be around today, and if he can help me manage the damage from my fight with Douglas Wilchins, I’ll at least have done something productive.
