His face softens again. “You deserve better than how your exes treated you. All of them. I hope you know that.”
It’s good that we’re talking about this. Revisiting my past disasters is a good reminder of how bad it hurts when it goes bad.
Although now Spencer is looking at me with dreamy eyes, like how I looked at him in the picture.
And I really want to give him my heart, even if it means he’s going to break it.
“We all deserve better,” I tell him, playing it cool even though my pulse is accelerating. “But I think I’m doing pretty good.”
Spencer smiles. “Yeah. I’d say you are, too.”
Surprising me, he leans forward and places a kiss on my forehead. His lips are soft, and it sends a spark through my entire body. When Spencer pulls back, I see he’s flushed.
“Sorry,” he says. “Felt moved to do that.”
My smile feels wobbly. “Don’t apologize.”
We’re sitting closer now. I’m not sure if the moment has gotten loaded, or maybe I’m feeling an emotional hangover from telling the story, but my heart is pounding. I want to touch Spencer so bad.
He tilts his head to the side. “And for what it’s worth, I do know that sex and relationships are two different things. My desire to have the two together doesn’t mean I think that’s what’s best for other people.”
I bite my bottom lip. “Understood.”
He gives me a skeptical look. “But it sounds like you wanted love, too. At least at one time you did. You can really just turn off your heart like that after you’ve opened it up?”
I tap my chest. “I don’t think this thing is off.” I tilt my eyes back to Spencer. “At least, no more than your dick is off.”
He squirms slightly. “Oh, my dick is definitely not off.”
I catch that I’m flirting and lean back, not trusting myself not to kiss him. “I remember,” I tease.
Spencer swallows. “You don’t think you’ll ever decide you want to open your heart again?” he asks.
The rock star in me, the impulsive one, wants to tell himyes, right now. To sayfuck itand go all in.
But Spencer is more tempered than that. I hold his eye instead, pushing back a little. “I wouldn’t ask you if you’re going to change your mind and start seeking anonymous sex one day.”
“Anonymous sex, no.” He leans forward slightly, entering the space I left. “Too many unknowns.”
I hesitate. Is he flirting with me? I want him to so badly this morning, I might be misinterpreting the intensity of the moment. But I swear I can feel something reaching for me from deep inside of Spencer.
“Much better to stick with what you know sometimes,” I agree. My chest warm and my dick hard, I make sure to hold his eyes, not backing down in case this is an opening.
“If I were going to have sex again,” he says, “someone like you would be perfect.”
“Oh?”
“Someone totally unavailable for more. To avoid any confusion.”
At this particular moment, I’m not so sure that I am unavailable. But fuck, I want to kiss him. Except all I have to do is lick my lips, and I remember that it would end in disaster. He’ll want something from me that I don’t have to give, or one of us will hurt the other one. It will start as a kiss, but then I’ll let him down, or he’ll break my heart, and it will all be because I couldn’t keep my horny shit together and stop myself from tasting his lips again.
And maybe the heartbreak would be worth it.
“Spencer, you better not go looking for someone unavailable,” I tell him, trying to delicately walk the line. “You deserve someone who is 100 percent yours, even if it’s just for one night.”
He reaches out and strokes the side of my head, running his fingers through my hair. The gesture is so surprising my heart leaps.
“One night,” he says. “Or two?”
