“The radio version is different,” I offer, not sure what to say.
“You sound so lonely.”
My mouth falls open. His words are like a punch in the gut, and for once, I can’t find a cocky retort.
“I’m not lonely,” I object, although my voice sounds weak.
“Right.” Spencer looks embarrassed. “You said your songs aren’t sad. I remember. It must just be me.” He shakes his head. “You didn’t ask for any of this,” he says, more to himself than to me.
“The entire album is about the world ending,” I tell him. “But you’re right. It sounds different without my band backing it up. That’s why I’m working on it.”
“It’s an amazing song, Gabriel. And you’re a brilliant artist. Don’t listen to me. I’m just acting weird after last night.” He stands. “You didn’t ask me to pour my heart out. Sorry.”
Fuck. He’s vulnerable. I want to walk over to him and pull him into an embrace. Tell him it’s okay. But there are a million reasons I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to him, and I’m not about to open my heart up again. I know where that leads.
Spencer lets out a shaky laugh. “This is why I can’t do casual sex like you,” he says.
I stand, too. “Why’s that?”
“Don’t get me wrong,” he says quickly. “I don’t regret last night. That was amazing, and I’m going to enjoy the memories. But I think I’m just built differently.” He offers a lopsided smile. “I’m not sure how the morning after is supposed to go, but I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to wake up and act mopey.”
“The only thing you’re supposed to do,” I tell him, “is exactly what you want to do.”
He chuckles as he pulls on his pants. “See? That’s what a playboy is supposed to say.”
“Fun man,” I joke. “Remember?”
Spencer pulls his shirt on. “I’m happy for you,” he says. “Honestly, I’m probably a little jealous, too. If sex could just be sex for me, maybe I’d be able to enjoy something casual. But if I ever decide to do this again, I need it to come with something more. Commitment, maybe. I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “Sorry,” he says again. “I’m babbling.”
“You don’t need to apologize. And you’re right. Casual isn’t for everyone. But I’m glad you got a chance to try it out.” I force a smile. “Before we enter into our long, sexless marriage.”
“Right.” Spencer tips back his coffee, finishing it off. “Thanks again for the song, Gabriel.”
He’s ready to go, and I decide not to delay him any longer. “My pleasure. You going to hit the gym before we meet with our teams?”
“Alyssa is meeting me here,” he says, standing. “But I’ll squeeze in a couple hours at the gym first.”
“Until later,” I say.
Spencer hesitates for a second before he bends down, taking me in a half-hug, complete with a back slap like a true jock, awkward but still endearing. “Thanks,” he says quietly and walks away, closing the door to my suite behind him.
I walk over to get more coffee and see the two platinum rings, still waiting on the counter.
I pick one up and slide it on my finger, considering it.
Sex with Spencer was easy. Fun.
Let’s hope marriage is just as smooth.
CHAPTERTEN
SPENCER
Last night shookme to the core. I feel undone by the sensation of touching another man, his hands all over my body, inside me, guiding me to pure, ecstatic release. The way Gabriel grunted while thrusting his fingers into me was like his music, hard and steady and strong.
Naturally, I had to go and embarrass myself. I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to sleep over, and I definitely wasn’t supposed to act like a melancholic dud in the morning. Who am I to tell him he sounds lonely? I’m the lonely one. He’s clearly satisfied, but I get one taste of sex, and my heart starts to insist that I need more.
I am definitely not capable of casual sex.
