I frown. “I know. I already posted my ass and my best worst sex stories online, remember? I considered all this.”
“But this is different. And you’d have to go all the way to Los Angeles this weekend?”
Now I’m the one getting prickly, but I can’t help it. Chase knows how important all this is to me, and that I don’t have a lot of options right now. He knows exactly who I am, and one of the things I really love about him is that he accepts me, seemingly with no questions asked.
Or at least, it used to seem that way.
“My focus this summer is on work,” I remind him, my voice sharper than I mean it to be.
A disappointed grunt slips out of Chase. “Guess so.”
“It is.” I pull my legs off his lap so I can sit up all the way. “I have to be completely independent, remember? I don’t have an amazing family and a picturesque cabin to rely on. My only backup is Meg’s couch.”
“Hey,” he says, taken aback. “No one pays my bills. I’m the one busting my ass for my family, okay?”
“That’s not the point! It’s been up to me to take care of myself all alone since I was nineteen,” I tell him, frustration building in my voice. “And I don’t have the luxury of fucking it up just because some guy has a problem with what I’m doing with my own body!”
Chase winces. I instantly hate that I said that, but now I’m overwhelmed and feeling like I’m going to cry. I’m furious because I’m falling in love with him, but I have to leave. Every possible emotion is burning in my veins, and there’s nothing I can do but feel all of it, knowing I can’t have him.
“Shit,” Chase says. “Do whatever you want with your body.” He stands up. “I’m just some guy, anyway.”
My heart breaks. “Fuck,” I whisper. I stand, pressing myself to him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You’re not just some guy.”
Chase doesn’t move for a second, and then his hand lands on the back of my head. His fingers curl in my hair, and the familiar tug almost breaks me open.
I want to tell him I love him, but I can’t. It would just be cruel to both of us.
“I get it,” he says, relenting. “I want you to have your dreams, Cubby. I want you to have everything you want, okay?”
I keep my face buried in his chest, not wanting him to see the tears in my eyes, incapable of stopping myself from babbling. “You know you’re special to me, right? I’ll never forget you, Chase. Just because I’m going to leave, it doesn’t mean I don’t…” My words die in my throat again, my mouth dry. “This summer with you means so much to me.”
Chase kisses the top of my head. “I know,” he says gently, a croak in his throat. “And hey, congratulations on the opportunity, huh?” He kisses the top of my head again. “Told you that you were going to be a success, Cubby.”
I wipe my eyes and look up at him. Chase has a sad smile on his face, and our eyes lock for just a heartbeat, although it seems to stretch on longer than most nights.
There he goes, hurting me with how good he is again.
But even in his arms, I can feel the distance growing between us. Even though he’s forcing a smile, I can see Chase slipping away, a wall of hurt rising up and shadowing his features.
“I should go home,” I say quietly. “I know you have a job early, and I need to prepare…”
I trail off. The excuses feel weak. We should be fucking all night, but suddenly, I just know I won’t be able to handle it. Right now, opening myself up to Chase would mean exposing everything that’s burning in my chest. If he touches me too long, it will be impossible to pretend I don’t love him.
“Yeah,” he says and turns his eyes away. “Sure. Let me walk you home.”
