“That you love to shove your tongue in my hole?”
I laugh. “That too.” Usually, I’d be flustered and blushing from that line, and the fact that I’m barely thrown seems like progress. “I think you should spend some proper time with my family,” I say. “Before you leave. Come over for a dinner. It would make me happy.”
“As your friend?”
“No, have dinner with us as the guy I’m seeing.”
“You’re going to come out?” he asks excitedly. “I thought you were still figuring stuff out.”
“I already did.” I clarify, “Well, I told my mom I was spending time with you. I knew she’d be supportive, and it kind of just came up.” I clear my throat, pulling myself back on topic. “I think you’d all like each other.”
Cubby stops. He tugs on my hand, pulling me close. “I’d love to meet your family,” he says, then rises up on his toes to kiss me. “Thanks for the invitation.”
I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull him up, pushing my tongue into his mouth. Every second with Cubby is precious, and sometimes, I think it’s going to kill me to let him go.
When he steps back, his phone dings, then keeps dinging. “Guess we’re in service,” he says apologetically.
“Go ahead,” I say with a nod. “Don’t let me interrupt your work.”
Cubby looks at his phone, squinting as he scrolls through. I get hopeful, thinking maybe all that noise means some good news for him, but just as quickly, I see his face fall.
“Fuck. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
I furrow my brow. “What is it?”
He looks up, jaw slack and eyes wide. “It’s a fucking disaster, is what it is. I’m totally screwed!”
“What happened?”
“YouTube banned my videos! My whole account!”
“Why would they do that?”
Cubby throws his hands over his face. “Because of my butt! They said I can’t show my bare butt on their channel!”
“That’s a rule they have?”
“No! I mean, not really. You can’t show material that’s meant to be sexually stimulating, but educational nudity is supposed to be fine!”
I rub my jaw with my thumb. “Shit. I mean, your butt is pretty stimulating.”
“Not now!” he yelps, holding a hand up, and I see tears running down his round cheeks, straight into his beard. “This is so messed up! What am I supposed to do?”
I wince. I want to grab him and hold him to my chest and tell him everything is going to be okay, but instead, I freeze. Cubby has no problem showing his emotions, but I feel like a big old oaf, sputtering and afraid that if I open my mouth, I’ll tell him that I love him and I’m going to take care of him.
So terrified of what’s in my heart, I can’t figure out how to give him what he needs.
“Shit,” Cubby curses. He throws his phone to the grass, and then the tears really start. “I’m a fucking failure!”
That’s more than I can handle. I step forward and throw my arms around his shoulders. “You are not,” I tell him. “Don’t say that.”
Cubby buries his face in my chest, crying. “Meg told me this might happen, but I didn’t listen to her. I thought for sure I was doing the right thing. I thought I knew what I was doing this whole time, but I didn’t, and now I’m screwed.”
“Hush,” I whisper, stroking the back of his head, wishing like hell I could make this better. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Cubby. You’re going to be fine.”
“Says you. You have a job and a house and a family. You’re a competent grown man, and I’m a silly, melodramatic drama queen with a butt that’s not educational.”
A rough laugh escapes from the bottom of my lungs. Even when he’s crying, he’s funny as hell. “Cubby,” I say again, still stroking my fingers through his hair. “You’ve got me. And Meg. That has to count for something.” When he doesn’t say anything, I lick my lips and force myself to say the next part, the part I’m scared to even ask about. “And you can stay here as long as you need to figure things out, if it comes down to it.”
