Cubby
“Oh my God,Cubby. What time did you get up?”
Meg stands at the bottom of the stairs in her pajamas, staring at me blankly. I’m sitting at the kitchen table, hunched over a laptop and jittery from too much coffee. “Like, five?” I answer. “Maybe a little earlier?”
Meg squints. “Why?”
I point at the calendar. “Because it’s the only free time I had to work on this side project for Chase.”
My friend walks over to the table, where she slumps into a chair. “Side project?”
“Well, he’s helping me out so much, you know? I figured it’s way past time for me to return the favor. I started thinking about it last night, after I got back from teaching him how to suck cock. What’s the best thing I can do to support Chase?” I bounce in my seat, overcaffeinated and talking rapidly. “Bake him some of my legendary lemon bars? Not sufficient. Offer to redecorate the store for his family? I’d make it look amazing, sure, but I think they’re attached to the style. More blowjobs? But those are really for me as much as—”
“Cubby,” Meg groans, a hand in the air. “Too early. Cut to the point.”
I turn the laptop to face her. “Turns out Lake Steamy has essentially zilch in terms of internet presence, which nowadays you need if you’re going to lure in the tourist dollars.”
Meg squints at the computer. “You made Yelp profiles for the businesses?”
“No, I made effective Yelp profiles,” I clarify. “And added some stuff to Google Maps. Updated the listings on tourism sites. You know the drill.”
Meg massages her temples. “Goddamn it, Cubby.”
I tilt my head to the side. “What?”
“You’re falling in love with him, aren’t you?”
“What?” I laugh loudly, like that’s the most absurd thing in the world. “Silly, silly Meg. What are you even talking about? We have nothing in common. Of course I’m not falling in love with him.”
She takes my mug of coffee. “This is exactly what you weren’t supposed to do.”
“I’m not supposed to, like, get obsessed and spend all my time getting fucked by him when I should be working. But this is strictly a professional favor, and I woke up early so I could get it done without cutting into our day.”
Meg walks to the rear door, taking my coffee with her. “Xavier,” she says bluntly.
I frown, then chase after her. “What the hell does my college boyfriend have to do with any of this?”
“You spent months insisting you didn’t have feelings for him,” she reminds me. “But the whole time, you kept doing him favors.”
“We fell in love because I was his go-to cat-sitter! I didn’t cat-sit because I loved him!”
Meg walks out on the deck, stepping into the morning breeze. “That’s not how I remember it.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re out of your mind. I never have trouble admitting what I want. I am one-hundred percent comfortable and confident in my desires. It’s one of my core personality traits.”
“You’re comfortable saying when you want a blowjob, not when you fall in love.”
I freeze in my tracks, caught off guard by that one. “That’s not…” I shake my head. “Chase and I don’t even make sense!” I smash my hands together, tangling up my fingers. “Our lives don’t fit together!”
Meg turns to me. “Sure.”
“What?”
“What? I said sure.”
I purse my lips. “Goddamn it, Meg!” With a sharp turn, I strut back into the house. “Now you’re in my head! How am I supposed to go on this romantic camping retreat—”
“Ha!” Meg calls out.
