“Nothing! That was just a woman from the shop.”
“She was bothering you this early in the morning?”
“She just came by to check on the house.” I want to brush the whole thing away, but I’m anxious, and Caesar can tell I’m anxious, and now I’m wringing my hands while he stares at me. “It’s no big deal.”
Caesar grunts, and his expression settles into a frown. “All right,” he says and turns back to the kitchen.
The smell of bacon hits my nose. “Caesar,” I call after him, aware that I’ve upset him somehow, but totally at a loss for words.
“It’s fine,” he grunts, more annoyed. “I get it.”
The toast pops right as we walk into the kitchen. I see two plates, each filled with bacon, eggs, and thick slices of tomato, while mugs of steaming coffee sit on the round table.
I realize I’m ravenous. Caesar cooked for me in this kitchen, and all I want to do is sit there and enjoy it and think about how great he is, but I can’t.
“Get what?” I ask, my emotions boiling over. “What do you get?”
“You can’t introduce me to anyone in this damn town!” he barks, then winces. He sighs and roughly tosses the toast onto the plates, then offers one to me. “I get it, honestly. Your ma wasn’t the kind of lady who wanted a man like me around. No reason to go and ruin her reputation now.”
“Fuck her!” I yelp, then throw my hands over my mouth, shocked.
Oh god. I can’t believe I just said that.
I collapse on one of the kitchen chairs, my heart pounding. “I didn’t mean that,” I insist, my voice weak.
Caesar pulls a chair over to me, then sits, so close his body is pressed to mine as he rubs my shoulder. “Drew…” he rasps.
“I don’t know why I said that. I don’t mean it. I really don’t.”
Caesar rubs my shoulder. He doesn’t say anything for a minute. Then his words come out slow and even. “You can be mad at her.”
I realize I’m crying angry tears. “What?”
“You can be mad at her,” he repeats. “It’s okay.”
“Why would I be mad at her?” I stand up abruptly, not wanting to hear his words. “That’s not right, Caesar.”
He stands, too. “You tell me. Why are you mad at her?”
I don’t look in his eyes. I can’t because if I do, I know the whole truth will come spilling out of me. “It’s not fair to be mad,” I say. “She didn’t try to get cancer. And no one forced me to drop out of college and come back home. I wanted to spend those years with her. We got closer than we’d ever been. We loved each other.”
There are tears spilling down my cheeks, and when Caesar caresses my face, I choke out a sob.
Fuck. I hate this. I want everything to feel good and easy and right again.
“You loved each other,” he repeats.
“Yeah.” I finally manage to snap my gaze to his. Caesar’s brow is tight with concern as he strokes my cheek. “We loved each other.”
“That doesn’t mean she treated you right.”
My anger spikes. “Fuck you!” I almost yell it, but Caesar doesn’t flinch, and I force myself to hold his eye. “Of course I’m mad. She lied to me about my father! She expected me to behave and make nice for everyone in town, but she didn’t follow her own rules!”
“Her own rules?”
“Mack!” I exclaim, angry as tears fall down my cheeks. “She gave herself at least one night to act out and do something scandalous, so how come I didn’t get the same?”
Caesar winces. I can tell he’s searching for something to say, but the dam that held back all these painful emotions has broken, and I’m finally able to say the truth I’ve been avoiding.
