I’m angry and hopeful and worried and hurt, all at the same time. Somehow, my ass ended up in the middle of nowhere, Indiana, holding a man who is half my age, needing him so bad I don’t know what to do.
Night creeps by, the hours slowly passing, and sleepless, the truth finally settles on me.
I’m in love with Drew, and I don’t ever want to let him go.
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
DREW
I wakeup after a deep sleep, and for a minute, I don’t remember where I am. The room I lived in for most of my life is unfamiliar and strangely empty, but it slowly dawns on me.
I’m home, and Caesar has disappeared.
I roll out of bed, my heartrate jumping. I’m in an old pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, and my bare feet slap against the hardwood floors. When I don’t see Caesar in the bathroom, I run downstairs, panic rising up. I’m gripped by the fear that he might have left, that I went too far in unloading my emotions last night, acting like he’s my real boyfriend.
If I lose him, then I really will be alone again.
When I stumble outside and spot his motorcycle, I let out a deep sigh of relief.
“Morning.”
I turn and see that he’s standing at the garage. The door is rolled up behind him, and Caesar’s got a mug of coffee in his hand, the name of the stationary store printed on the front. He’s in his black boots, loose jeans, and gray thermal shirt, dressed the same as if we had woken up in the city, although I notice he’s combed his messy hair.
“I was just checking out your machines. Hope you don’t mind.”
I try not to think about the nosy neighbors as I cross over to him. “No, I don’t mind.”
I feel like I should kiss him, but I’ve never kissed a man in my mom’s house, or even my hometown. The hesitation hurts, though, like I’m regressing into an old version of myself.
Before I can wrestle through all the morning confusion, Caesar sticks his arm out.
“Coffee.”
“Thanks.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and nods to the garage. “I was wondering where you hid yourself around here.”
“I wasn’t hiding,” I object quickly. “It was just easier to keep everything in the garage, especially with the home hospice workers and nurses coming and going all the time.”
Caesar frowns. I can tell he doesn’t totally accept my rushed excuse, and I can see why. The dark, dusty garage was kind of my lair. In addition to the arcade and pinball machines, I have a hangout spot, the loveseat I brought back from college, a space heater for the winters, even some old X-Men action figures on display, leftovers from my childhood that I never quite got rid of.
“It’s just some old crap,” I say, waving my hand to dismiss it. It’s too early to feel this emotional, and honestly, all I want is to curl up in Caesar’s arms again. He’s come all this way, and I know that means he cares about me, but I don’t know how to get back to the good feelings when the depressing stuff is drowning me again.
Caesar grunts. “I like it.”
“Sorry.” I rub my eyes. “I’m still waking up.”
“Sure, no problem.” Caesar steps out from the garage. “You ready for breakfast?”
“Whenever you are. I can head up to the grocery—”
“No problem.” He cuts me off. “I picked some things up already.”
“From the grocery store?” My anxiety spikes, startling me awake. I don’t know why I’m so panicked by the thought of Caesar walking into the grocery store, but just like yesterday, all my muscles are suddenly tense.
I just keep thinking of the gossips in town talking and how embarrassed my mom would be. She wasn’t right to feel that way, and I wish it wasn’t true, but just knowing better intellectually isn’t enough to stop the emotions from rising.
“Next town over,” Caesar clarifies. “I was up early. Went for a drive.”
