“Hey!” I laugh. “It’s hot, not cute.”
“I’m sorry, Drew. I’ve barely seen you and Caesar together, but you are most definitely a cute couple.”
I’m about to object that I’m not quite sure if we are a couple, actually, but my phone vibrates first, cutting us off. After hugs and goodbyes and more hugs, I grab my bag and hurry out to the street.
I’m going to see Piper soon, I promise myself. I’ll come back.
Caesar is waiting on the street, legs spread wide as he straddles his motorcycle, his eyes cast down the block. He’s bolted some kind of hard plastic case to the rear of the bike, pinball components safely inside of it, and my suitcase is strapped to that. He’s wearing his dark leather jacket and a loose pair of jeans, matched with his usual black boots.
He looks like an inked-up silver god on his motorcycle.
I’m still processing the full gravity of what’s about to happen. Caesar is going to drive me to Creekville. I’m going to roar into town on the back of his motorcycle and cruise straight to the house I grew up in, my arms wrapped around Caesar’s side.
It feels strange. Comforting and anxiety producing at the same time, like this is both unimaginable and something that absolutely has to happen. He insists that he doesn’t even need to spend the night. It’s a three-hour drive to Creekville. He’ll just drop me off and be on his way. But even if Caesar acts like his grumpy self and just does that, just leaves abruptly, he’ll still have been there. He’ll still see my life, obliterating the boundary between the grief I left behind and this new world.
He turns and spots me. “Drew.” He swings his leg off the bike, then grabs a leather jacket from the side bag, which he offers. “It’s warm, but you’ll need this.”
I take it as I kiss him. Caesar hitches me close, standing to his full height.
We spent the morning in bed, well aware that we might not have another chance to hook up for a while. I can still feel him inside me, like this aching, raw pressure. I’m not nearly satisfied, and I grab the back of his head and pull him into a deeper kiss.
“Thanks,” I say, and slip on the jacket. “You have the directions worked out?”
Caesar taps the side of his head. “I’ll remember. Shouldn’t take long, and I’ll stop for rests, but just hit me if you need anything.” He lifts his helmet. “Sorry the intercoms don’t work in this thing.”
“I don’t mind. I’m kind of looking forward to the quiet of the ride.”
Caesar sticks his helmet on his hip. “Yeah. It’s something, isn’t it?” I turn to grab my helmet, but he reaches out, taking my cheek in his hand. “You feel okay, going back?”
Traffic picks up on the street behind us. It feels funny to be talking about something serious in public, but Caesar’s hand on my cheek is so reassuring.
“I’m not exactly looking forward to it,” I admit.
“Your ma,” Caesar says. He rubs his thumb across my cheek. “Mine’s been gone for years. Still feels weird when I drive through the old neighborhood.”
“I’ve been thinking about her all morning.”
I open my mouth to tell Caesar more, but stop. The last few weeks have been filled with the thrill of meeting him and throwing myself into this fling. It’s washed away all the grief and uncertainty and stress that I’ve been drowning in for years.
Now that I’m on the edge of going home, all the other stuff is swirling to the surface again, threatening to erupt.
But I catch myself. I’m standing on the middle of the street in the city, right outside Piper’s apartment. My dream man is leaning back on his motorcycle, and the sun is shining overhead.
“Drive first, family crap later,” I tell Caesar, then offer a hopeful smile.
He smiles back, satisfied with that. “Hop on, kid.”
Only a few minutes later, we’re making our way out of the city, cruising through the suburbs and then out to the open fields and farmland. My heart still sings with the thrill of soaring down the highway, but unlike last time, the edge of fear has evaporated. Instead, my arms wrapped around Caesar’s big body, I feel as safe and secure as I ever have.
Instead of dreading what’s to come, I allow myself to stay in the good feelings. I think back over the past few weeks, the new life I’ve started to build in the city. It’s been deeply pleasurable, watching Caesar melt and reveal his gooey insides. Now that I know him, I see the kind of man he is, caring and thoughtful and geeky in his own weird way.
I know that he’s the kind of man I want, and when I think of the new life I want to build for myself, it starts and ends with Caesar.
We’re heading through some forested land when he pulls off at a rest stop. Caesar rolls us through the parking lot, out to a shaded back corner where the forest begins.
He cuts the engine. “Thought we could stretch our legs.”
When I lean back, I realize I’m rock hard from the vibration of the ride and some of the filthier memories I was lingering over. I feel a little bashful, but then I realize that there’s no one near us.
