“I don’t know.” Piper shrugs. “There’s nothing wrong with it.”
I shake my head. She’s technically right, but the idea that Caesar is off-limits seems pretty important right now, like a dam that’s holding back all my other feelings.
“It’s kind of hot, actually,” she muses.
I stick my fingers in my ears. “I didn’t hear that.”
Piper grins, then gestures widely to the bar. “Well, if you’re looking for a distraction from your dad’s hot friend, take your pick.”
I laugh and grab her hand. “Don’t point at everyone, god.” When I glance, I see that, indeed, a few guys are staring at me again. “I’m not ready for the attention.”
Piper cranes her neck, looking toward the back. “We could slip off somewhere a little darker.”
“In the back? What’s back there, anyway?”
She shrugs. “Let’s find out.”
Before I can object, Piper grabs my hand and takes off walking. I follow behind her like a puppy on a leash, too embarrassed to make eye contact with the men we pass although I know the two of us stick out.
I’m not used to feeling desirable. It’s not like I’m insecure about my looks, but there weren’t a lot of gay people in my home town, and I just haven’t had guys checking me out.
It feels good. Scary, but really good, too.
“Oh wow,” Piper says, then pulls me to the side. We’re at the entrance to a bigger room, something like a second bar in the back, except all the men here are shirtless. A musky, sweaty scent lingers in the air, and in the farthest, darkest corners, I hear men grunting. “So this is a back room.”
My heart jumps in my throat. I feel like I’m walking into a jerkoff video, except those places are supposed to be fantasy, not reality.
“Maybe we should sneak back up front,” I tell her.
“Or you could jump in the deep end,” she offers. “Because I am one hundred percent sure you could get laid right now if you want to.”
I glance hesitatingly up, gathering the courage to look at the men who are looking at me, a couple of whom have removed their shirts. Instead of a wall of strangers, though, the first person I lay my eyes on is him.
“Caesar,” I gasp and grip Piper’s arm.
She follows my eyes. He’s sitting in the corner on a wooden stool, eyes set as he stares in the distance. His legs are spread wide, and even across the room, I can see his thick package in the pouch of his jeans. The plain white T-shirt he wears is tight to his burly body, and tattoos crawl up his neck to his silver stubble.
I try to disappear back into the hallway, but Piper grabs me. “Wait. This means he really is gay. Holy shit, Drew, maybe he did have a thing with your dad.”
My eyes are locked on Caesar, who looks bored, totally unaware of us as he sips a big mug of beer. I’m frozen in place, trying to take everything in.
Trying to wrestle through how much I want to walk right over, drop to my knees, and give myself to that man.
“What is wrong with me?” I groan.
“You’ve got to go say something to him. Hit on him or something.”
“I can’t hit on him! What if he hooked up with my dad?”
“Then ask him about it first, if you’re so concerned” she tells me, exasperated. “Just go! You’re looking for a hookup. He’s your fantasy. Go!”
“Absolutely not,” I refuse.
As I watch, a guy in his forties approaches Caesar. He’s muscular and short, with a big black beard and some kind of sports jersey on. I watch as he tries to hit on Caesar, but Caesar barely reacts, coolly blowing him off as he maintains his stoic position.
“Yeah, no way he’s going to be into me.” My stomach sinks, and I start to believe all my fears. Maybe I could have been the kind of man who would do something like this, more like Mack or Caesar, but that door has closed. I’m just going to have to make myself content restoring arcade games and selling stationary for the rest of my life.
“We should probably go.”
