“Yes,” I say quickly, standing up straight. My cheeks feel hot, but I try to look confident. “I understand.”
He grunts. “Two months.”
“Two months?”
“I’ll consider letting you touch a machine in two months.”
Caesar turns his back to me, returning to his desk. It’s clear that I’m supposed to leave, but it still takes me a second to snap out of it. I’m not fired, but his words sting.
It’s going to be months before I actually learn to tattoo, if it happens at all.
When I get back to the front of the shop, all of the artists have dispersed again, working in their rooms. I sit behind the desk, sickeningly disappointed in myself.
Is this what I have to offer Alexander? Him supporting me through a series of failures, right up until I finally get smart enough to admit defeat?
I sit there, mindlessly sketching a scene from one of my cities, cycling between emotions.
Joy is right there, filling me whenever I think of Alexander’s smile. My best friend and I are in love with each other. I’m starting a new chapter in my life, one that’s unlike anything I’ve had before. It’s exciting and confusing, and it makes me so happy I could cry.
Then the despair returns. I love him, but what if he wakes up one day and realizes he’s trapped with me? I don’t want to be a failed artist, reliant on my boyfriend to pay the bills. My parents worked so hard to accomplish what they did in life. I don’t want to fall short now that it’s my turn.
I love Alexander, but what if that’s not enough?
* * *
Alexander
The whole group of our friends meets up at The Quarter, a video game bar with a gigantic backyard where we sometimes gather. It’s early on a Friday evening, and the sun is still out. I’m practically beaming, desperate to get my arms around Rafael again, to hold his hand while we laugh with our friends.
When he walks through the door, though, he has a troubled look on his face. Rafael wears one of my grey button-up shirts with his denim shorts, cut off at the knees, and he shuffles his boots while he walks. I meet him as he’s crossing to the group, catching him before everyone else.
“Alexander,” Rafael says, and the troubled expression eases as he smiles wide. His hair is freshly combed back, and I can tell he’s genuinely happy to see me, but that doesn’t hide the fact that something’s up.
“Are you okay?”
“It’s work,” he answers quickly. Rafael looks a little tense. Sometimes, when he’s messed something up that he feels embarrassed about, he gets this way, anxious and a little cagey.
I’m thrown off. I thought I was just going to get his goofy smile, and it makes my heart hurt that he’s having a hard time instead. “What’s up?” I ask gently.
He pushes his glasses, then scratches his beard. “It’s fine. Can we talk about it later, though?” He relaxes into an easier smile. “I have to make a good first impression to our friends.”
I laugh. “First impression?”
“Isn’t it a big deal, introducing the new boyfriend to the friends?” He takes my hand and squeezes it. “I know we have all the same friends, but remember, I’m not the relationship type. I’m just trying to hit the right milestones with my boyfriend.” He tilts his head to the side. “Boyfriend?”
“Boyfriend,” I agree with a happy laugh. “Weirdo,” I add, then bump his shoulder. “You sure I can’t do anything for you tonight, though?”
“I’m okay,” he says quickly. “Let me get you a drink. What are you having?”
“Something sweet?”
Rafael steps forward and kisses me. His lips close over mine, and then we lean into each other, kissing deeper until he steps back. “Something sweet,” he says, then grins and turns to the bar.
“Ooohhhh,” Ayla calls out from our group of friends.
“Brown chicken brown cow!” Matty hollers.
I cover my face with my hands as I walk back to our friends, laughing. People are still trickling in, and Joey and Stone are consumed by their new pinball rivalry inside. But the small group at the back quickly surrounds me and starts joking around, asking questions about Rafael.
