My stomach tightens. It scares me, knowing I could lose him, too, if this doesn’t go right. In every way possible, imagining a life without Alexander is like imagining a life without oxygen or sunshine. It just doesn’t seem possible.
I need space to clear my head. My heart wants to rush forward and tell Alexander exactly how I feel, but I have to figure out what it even means first. Could he love me, too? But he’s never so much as tried to kiss me, not even once over all the years that we’ve been so, so close.
And do I even want something more, whatevermorewould be?
When I get home, Alexander is lying on the couch, a book open in front of him and Madame President on his feet. He sits up quickly, then smiles. “You’re back. There’s veggie curry on the stove.”
I smile. He looks so cute, lying on his back and reading. Alexander’s collared shirt is unbuttoned, and I see that he’s wearing one of my old T-shirts underneath. I want to crawl right in there with him and unload all my thoughts, the only sure way to feel better and gain perspective. But I know I have to think about everything first, figure this one out on my own, so I head to the kitchen instead, calling out my answer over my shoulder. “Curry, yum. Thank you! How was your day?”
“Good,” he yells back while I find the food. “Exhausting.”
I return to the living room with my plate. “You’re probably still recuperating from getting high.”
Alexander chuckles and covers his face with the book. “I can’t believe how much I laughed.”
It’s true. Once he processed the Wilson Cruz encounter, he didn’t stop giggling about it for at least an hour.
I head toward the arm chair, but Alexander curls his legs up, making room for me on the couch with him. Madame President leaps away, annoyed, and I take her seat. The curry is spicy, with deep, rich flavors in the sauce and crisp, fresh veggies. I groan as I take a bite.
“I forget how good of a cook you are,” I say. I usually end up doing the cooking, since it takes Alexander a while to get home from work, and I enjoy it anyway.
“Thank you,” he says sweetly.
His feet push against my leg. I want to lean over and kiss him. I want to do a hell of a lot more than that, actually, but more than anything, I just want to tell him about my day and cuddle.
“Do you want to watch a movie tonight?” he asks. “I’m wiped out.”
I smile, relieved. “Yeah, a movie sounds perfect. In my bed?” I realize that inviting him to my bed is loaded, though, so I quickly add, “Just the movie. And a sleepover, if you want.” He’s tired, and I’m tired, and honestly, I’ll be satisfied just to cuddle and chill.
Alexander eases back. He stretches his legs further out, and his feet curl against me, a familiar and comforting pressure. “I’d love that,” he says.
“Cool.”
Everything is complicated, and I feel like I’m in way over my head. Except as soon as we’re here, like this, it all seems to make sense, too. The two of us are together, and that solves all of the problems.
“Tell me about the shop today?” Alexander asks.
“Yeah,” I say, then rub his leg. “I’d love to.”
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
ALEXANDER
“Alexander, hey!”
I look up at the sound of Milo’s voice. I’m leaving an informal lecture on his campus, a talk I gave to a class of history students on the archives and the work we do. When I spot my friend, he’s hurrying down the sidewalk, dressed in a bright floral shirt and tattoos flashing.
A grin fills my face, but I freeze when I realize Davis is right there beside him.
“Oh, hi!” I yelp. Davis gives me a broad smile, and I offer them both a hug.
Milo grins. “I love when you’re on my campus.”
“Sorry I didn’t text. I thought I had another meeting to rush to.”
My friend shakes his head. “Davis and I just got lunch. I have to be back in the labs anyway.”
“Same,” Davis says with a nod.
