But as the conversation drifts on, my fears start to rise up, too. Alexander can make me feel better with just a few words, but I’m not going to be able to rely on that forever. If anything, that fact that we’re hooking up is just a reminder that one day, I’m going to lose him.
It doesn’t matter if I lose him to Davis or someone else. At some point, Alexander will be by another guy’s side, not mine.
And I will be left totally lost without him.
That’s not to worry about now. Right now, my best friend is taking me out for breakfast before my first day as an apprentice. Today he’s still right here, sitting across the booth from me. He makes a dorkyStar Trekjoke about getting more Raktajino, and I draw him a beach picture on a napkin as the conversation drifts on.
And because he is right there and I want to, I hold his hand and touch him while I can.
* * *
When I get to the shop after breakfast, it’s quiet inside. I actually think I’m too early at first, but then Stone pops out from the back and lets me in.
“You can come to the back,” he says, hitching this thumb over his shoulder. “We’ll have you open up on your own soon.”
“Sure.”
I cast my eyes around. Something about the day feels heavy to me; I’m not sure what. Having a friend like Stone there to greet me is reassuring, but it’s Caesar I’m really going to be working with, and the older tattoo artist is intimidating as fuck.
Still, I get hit with an awareness of how special tattooing actually is. I’m going to learn an art form like no other and try to find a place among all the other badass artists at this shop, and that awes me.
Stone goes to the desk, where he flips through an open calendar. “No one’s coming in for an hour at least, so you’ll have plenty of time.”
“Plenty of time?” I ask. “Is Caesar here already?”
“He’s not coming in today,” Stone answers casually, still looking at the calendar.
I adjust my glasses, confused. “He’s not? But I’m his apprentice.”
He looks up. “Aw, yeah. I forget that he doesn’t explain anything to you,” he chuckles. “Caesar doesn’t talk much, but don’t worry. You’ll know whether or not he likes you and your work.”
“I’m not sure that’s reassuring.”
Stone gives me a sympathetic smile. “Well, he makes his own schedule, so who knows when he’ll actually be in next. But come on, let me show you the first things you need to know.”
I hitch my backpack on my shoulder and feel the familiar, comforting weight of my sketchpad. “I brought some more drawings,” I say, “whenever you want to glance at them.”
“Uh, I guess I should have been more specific,” Stone deadpans. He awkwardly chuckles. “I’ll show you the cleaning supplies. You’ll have to get the shop ready before the first appointments every day.”
He must see the disappointment on my face. “Aw, Rafael. I told you it’s mainly cleaning and keeping books at first,” he adds.
“Right,” I say, shaking my head. I feel a little deflated, like I’d already tried to jump ahead of my place. “I remember. Just eager to get started.”
“Of course.” Stone studies me. “Hey, I can still take a look at those drawings, though. And I meant to offer, if you want a tattoo by me, let’s put it on the schedule. I can give you a lesson while we work, and you can get a better handle of how it feels.”
“Damn,” I say, caught off guard by his generosity. “I’d love that, if you have time.”
“For our new toilet-scrubber? Sure I do.”
CHAPTERTWELVE
ALEXANDER
Somehow,after getting home from beach clean, Rafael and I end up in the shower together. I’m not even sure how it happens, just that suddenly we’re under the hot water, naked and hard. He cleans my back, and I clean him, and then we make out and grope each other. It’s steamy and soapy, and soon enough, we both come, splattering on the tiles.
Rafael grabs the back of my head and pulls me in for a kiss. “Good way to start the con day.”
While we’re drying, I realize that we didn’t have any pretense that time. He didn’t try to teach me anything or build my confidence. It just kind of happened, natural and easy.
