I sat down on the couch, kind of stunned at his words. My laptop was open on the coffee table, running warm with way too many files open at once, and I’d let the room get kind of cluttered again. I just looked around, thinking about what Peyton said, and then something unhooked in my chest.
“Fuck,” I grumbled.
Peyton sat down next to me. “Sorry. Was it okay to say all that?”
I looked at him, with his square glasses, picked perfectly for his handsome face and dark beard, and I saw the sincere, honest care in his hazel eyes. “Yeah,” I managed to answer, then grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for another kiss. “Thanks, Peyton. For seeing it that way.”
Peyton nodded, his forehead against mine, his strong hands holding me there. “I still want to be with you. I talked to Russel, Casey, and Blake, and they helped me see. Even if things are hard with your brother, I want this. I want you.”
“Fuck. I want to keep this going, too.” I realized there were tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes. I wasn’t really one to cry a lot, but with Peyton’s hand clasped to the back of my head, I couldn’t quite hold it together.
He believed in me, and I let myself truly accept that this relationship was real as he held me in his arms.
My mind flashed back to the message I’d sent. The separation from my brother hurt, but why couldn’t he just see that this was good?
Better than anything I’d known before.
Peyton released me, and we kissed before each pulling back. “What should we do with this Saturday?” he asked. “We’ve got the whole day free now.”
I smiled. “You’re going to spend your whole day with me, Peyton?”
“And the night, I hope.”
I laughed, then wiped at my eye. “Yeah, sounds good to me. Move in if you want to.”
Peyton’s brow wrinkled behind his glasses. “But you don’t really mean that.”
I caught his eyes flicking around the space, considering the dimensions, and I chuckled at myself. “Sorry. This is the part where I’m clueless about how relationships are supposed to go.” I leaned forward and kissed him again, then relaxed against the sofa. “Frankly, though, I wouldn’t say no if you did want to live here.”
Peyton chuckled. “Well, I guess that answers some of my other questions.”
I grunted a “hmm?” at him.
“I wasn’t sure what kind of relationship you wanted. I know you’re not exactly the traditional type.”
“Well, I want the relationship where we can’t keep our hands off each other and where we don’t waste our time with other people.” I considered it, eyeing him. “And the one where we move in too quick.”
Peyton adjusted his glasses. “Boyfriends?”
“Boyfriends,” I agreed, then laughed. “You’re my first.”
“Mine, too. We’re finally on level ground.” Peyton looked me up and down. “Do you like massages?”
“Are you going to tell me that you’ve known how to give a good massage this entire time?”
Peyton laughed and patted the couch next to him. “Not at all. But I bet you can instruct me on how to give you a good shoulder rub. Seems like a good start to a Saturday afternoon, right?”
I tugged my shirt off as I spun, not wasting a second. “Hell yeah.”
Peyton’s big hands landed on my shoulders, and he squeezed, plunging his thumbs deep into muscle. The warmth of his touch washed through me. My head was spinning from everything that had happened, all the chaos around me, but in the middle of it, I grounded myself in Peyton.
My boyfriend, the person who trusted me enough to risk his heart, to take a chance on me just because he thought I was good. A man I was so tangled up with, I suddenly couldn’t imagine a future without him.
I planted myself in Peyton, found myself in him, and the pain of being rejected by my family all over again slowly started to ease.
We were together. And for the rest of the day, we stayed right in that apartment and did everything we could to help each other feel good.
