“Really, though. People who have experience like you have usually make me, I don’t know, jealous. Even my old friend Casey, when he used to date a lot and see different people. I was happy for him, but always a little sad that I wasn’t taking the same opportunities.” I stopped myself, not wanting to sound resentful or something. I just wanted Jet to understand how much I did appreciate his help.
“Sex is fun,” he said. “Everyone who wants to should get the chance to explore, figure out what they actually want to do and then fucking do it. But honestly, the only reason I’ve had so many hookups is because there wasn’t space in my life for anything else.”
“Because you were travelling?”
“Pretty much,” he nodded. “Working all night, leaving every city as soon as I got there. I love a night of wild, uninhibited sex, don’t get me wrong. But my choices were about enjoying the situation I had. I’m sure you made the best choices that you could for yourself, too.”
A deep longing tugged at me from the inside. I’d never had a single night of wild, uninhibited sex. Had I been scared? Hiding from myself? Despite what Jet said, I wasn’t sure the relationships I entered into were actually the best thing for me. It was more like they were the easy options, women I met in classes or at work and got along with, but never someone who ignited a spark in me.
Not like this.
“I hope you can find more space in your life,” I told Jet, “for whatever it is you’re looking for.”
He rubbed the back of his head, a slight sadness settling over his features and tugging down his brow. “Yeah. Thanks.”
For a second, we teetered on the edge again. I wanted to grab his hand and jump. My mind began to fill with questions, what it was like for him to come out of the closet in high school and with their strict, intolerant family. I wondered if Jet had been okay. Noah told me that his brother and his friends got into trouble constantly, but I hoped maybe there was someone who had been looking out for Jet anyway, like I’d tried to be there for my friends.
Need flashed through me, but I pushed the surging emotions away, forcing myself to suffocate them.
I finished my tea, then gathered my confidence back up. I settled into my body, trying to feel the strength of it like Jet said, then smiled at him. “Should we head to this sex party?”
Jet grinned. “Let’s go, handsome.”
