Rubbing the heel of my palm against my eyes, I wander to the little kitchen and find an old container of takeout fried rice in the fridge, then toss it in the microwave. I turn the TV on to the news, just so there’s noise in the apartment.
Out of nowhere, I think of that Milo guy again. His smile, this time. There was something so damn charming about that smile, and the way he tilted his face down when he looked at me, and how excited he was when he was showing me those flower illustrations.
And again, thinking of Milo makes me think about Adrian, which is the last fucking thing I want to think about it. Adrian is the one guy I’ve ever trusted with my secrets. After going for years just getting my needs met on the side, one man at a time, I met Adrian at the docks and slipped, fucking him again, and again, and again.
I was naive enough to think that meant something, but at least I’d paid the price for that mistake already.
There’s nothing like the sting of intentional, hardcore betrayal to sear a lesson into my brain.
With a sigh, I plop down on the couch. Acting like a sorry ass doesn’t help anything, and besides, my life is better now. I have a job doing what I love, and there’s no one breathing down my neck and causing me trouble. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and left a trail of wreckage in my past, but fuck it, I’m free now.
As long as I can keep things that way, I’ll be grateful just to have another day.
CHAPTERFOUR
MILO
It’s notuntil I walk into Blade for my tattoo appointment that it hits me. Theliatris pycnostachyais going on my bicep, which means I have to take my sweater off, which means I definitely should have thought ahead to wear a T-shirt beneath it.
Standing in the empty lobby, I pull out my phone and text Matty.I didn’t wear a T-shirt under my sweater. Will he be offended if I’m shirtless?When he doesn’t immediately answer, I send another rapid series of texts.
Should I just leave now?
He didn’t see me come in.
I’ll probably just leave now.
“Milo,” Joey says as he steps out from the back. He must have buzzed his head again because his dark hair is even shorter, and for just a second, all the other anxieties I have about the tattoo disappear while I imagine running my fingers over the prickle of it.
“I was just getting set up in back. You ready?”
Joey looks at me with a patient, steady expression across his face. My eyes self-consciously dart from the scar through his eyebrow, over the stubble on his square jaw, and to the tattoo that runs down his neck. He’s dressed in a checkered blue flannel, and with the sleeves rolled up, I see the dark hair on the back of his arms and the surprisingly colorful edges of a tattoo of flaming feathers that the flannel covers most of.
He’s so handsome, especially with his rough edges. I thought maybe I’d been exaggerating it in my memory, but he’s totally hot, and seeing him sends another whirlwind through the nervous tornado of emotions I’m already weathering.
“Totally,” I answer, then force a smile. “Let’s do it.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and when I yank it out, there’s a message from Matty.DON’T GO HOME!!!
I can hear the sound of tattoo machines buzzing in the back of the shop and the muffled noise of rock music from behind one of the closed doors. Joey welcomes me into his room, which is pretty bare. There’s a counter with some equipment on it, a couple of stools, and a long seat that looks surprisingly medical.
Matty and Stone met me for coffee a couple of days ago and answered all my questions about getting ink, but seeing Joey’s space makes it real. Like yesterday, I was the kind of person who doesn’t have a tattoo, and today, I’ll become the kind of person who does.
It’s exciting, and I start smiling and bouncing on my heels while Joey messes around with some stuff at the counter. When my phone buzzes again, I see another message from Matty, once again in all caps and surrounded by pink heart emojis.
MILO’S SEXUAL EMPOWERMENT TATTOO!!! WOO HOO!!!
Horrified Joey will somehow see the message, I shove my phone back in my pocket. “I bought the cleaning solution,” I blurt out as Joey turns. “And saran wrap. So I can shower.”
Joey pauses, giving me just enough time to regret that I brought showering up. “That’s good,” he finally says evenly, then nods to the big chair. “Take a seat.”
“I decided I’m not really scared about the pain,” I say as I jump up on the long seat. “Is that a thing you want to know? I think I’ll be okay, but also, I haven’t really experienced a lot of pain, so maybe I’m wrong. Physical pain, that is. I haven’t ever broken a bone, even, but I still think I’ll be fine.”
I clamp my mouth shut before I tell him about the pinching experiment I tried last night.
Let the other guy fucking talk, Milo, come on.
Joey nods. “I’ll go slow at first. You just let me know when you need a break. Sound good?”
