Russell
I definitely saw them kissing.
I was still processing the information a few days later. The club had been dark, and I had been drinking beer, and maybe I was just so horny for them both that I had started to hallucinate. That seemed entirely possible.
But no, actually. I saw Blake’s hand in Casey’s hair, their hips grinding together, and their lips locked in one impossibly hot kiss, and I was never going to forget that.
The real problem was, after a great night out together, I had barely seen the guys since. Everyone was busy, including myself, and we hadn’t all run into each other at home like we had been in the week before. It made me paranoid, and I started to worry I had done something wrong or crossed some kind of line I didn’t understand.
Whether they were kissing or not, and they were, I just really wanted to spend more time with them.
I zipped my jacket up all the way as the bus rolled down the street. There was a dusting of snow on the ground and more fluttering down from the sky. As I jumped off and headed down the block, I tried to push Casey and Blake out of my mind as much as possible. River had invited me over to play with makeup, and I wasn’t going to let anything take away from that.
He buzzed me up to his condo and met me with a cup of tea steaming in his hand. “You made it!” he said, then greeted me with an air kiss. “You like tea?”
Ten minutes later, the two of us were sitting on the big carpet in the middle of the living room, with a couple boxes of makeup on the coffee table between us. River’s place was gorgeous, with bright colors and tons of houseplants and plenty of pictures of him, his husband, and their friends scattered around. As River rummaged through the boxes, a mix of new pop music hummed through the speakers behind him.
“Do you know what colors you like?” he asked, then pulled a small palette of blue eyeshadow out. “Have you played around much?”
I bit the side of my cheek. “Not really? I’ve tried some stuff out at home, but I never know what I’m doing.”
River nodded. “It took me forever to feel like I had a look figured out. Here, what do you think of this?” He handed me the palette. “I never use this one anymore.”
I fingered the long plastic box, my eyes drifting over the pale, icy blues. “It’s gorgeous. Do I just use this little stick to apply it?”
River smiled and turned a small mirror to face himself. “Why don’t you watch me first? I’ll go slow, and then you can try out the brushes.” He grabbed a puffy brush, then loaded it with some powder. “Did you have fun with your roommates last weekend?”
I took a sip of my lemony tea. “Yeah, it was… nice.”
River stopped brushing powder over his face. “That sounds like there’s a story.”
I laughed. “Maybe. I’m not sure if it’s interesting.”
“Well, my best friends are all married, and the truth is, I love gossip, so…” He waved the brush at me. “I’ll trade you some eyeshadow for your story?”
I took the brush from him. “I kind of have a crush on them,” I admitted, then drew the brush lightly through the powder. “As in, both of them.”
“Oh,” River said, surprised. “That is good gossip, isn’t it?” He reached out and rested his finger on my wrist. “That’s enough to start.”
I lowered the brush from my face. “Cool, thanks.” River looked at me expectantly, and I grinned before I continued. “I caught them kissing. It was just for a second, but I saw it. Blake is straight, though, so I don’t know what that means.”
“Secret kisses, interesting. So you have a crush on these two, but are you interested in them?” he asked as he turned to the eyeshadow.
“Isn’t it the same thing?”
“Definitely not. A crush is just a fantasy, if that’s all you let it be. But if you’re actually interested, that’s a different story.”
I considered it for a second. “I don’t think I’m ready to date anyone, not until I get comfortable dressing how I want. And besides that, I can’t really be interested in two people at the same time, especially not if they’re already together or whatever. That’s setting myself up for double failure.”
River shrugged. “Well, I know a couple of triads, actually. And I think they would all disagree with you on that last one.” He closed his eyes and leaned closer to the mirror, then slowly dragged a small brush across the bottom of his lid. “And a straight guy secretly making out with his best friend doesn’t exactly translate into those two being together.”
I sighed, suddenly flustered with my emotions again. “I know. It’s all confusing. That’s why I’m trying to focus on this,” I said, taking the small brush from River. “I’m only living with them for a few months, anyway, so I’ll just let the crushes stay as a fantasy, like you said. I can keep myself busy with work and the woodshop in the meanwhile.”
River turned the mirror to face me. “Or you could go for it.”
I hesitated, then leaned in, squinting one eye closed while I awkwardly tried to apply eyeshadow. “I don’t even know what that would look like.”
For a minute, while I held my breath and brushed a cloud of blue on my eyelid, I tried to let myself imagine that could be possible. Like Casey and Blake might actually want to have a relationship with me, but the thought was so overwhelming, my hand started shaking.
