Now, though, I was his boyfriend, and when we greeted guests, I joked and laughed just as easily as Kai did. I was able to read the subtle shifts in his body language and expression, encouraging his jokes and boosting his confidence, then pulling him away with a graceful excuse whenever a conversation took a turn I knew he would rather avoid.
It was fun. A few months ago, I couldn’t have imagined having fun at a work party. But gliding through the crowd and complimenting all the elaborate costumes, I felt as comfortable and free as I always did with Kai.
Leo and River found their way back to us, off on the side of the dancefloor. River was carrying Leo’s drink, and when Leo gestured with his oversized cartoon gloves, River held it up to give him a sip.
“Having fun?” Kai asked. “After years of trying to get me to dress up with you, the answer better be yes.”
Leo scowled. “Everyone keeps calling me Mr. Weiner.”
“One client,” River laughed, then poked him again with the tong. “One client called you that, Leo.”
“One client too many,” he grumbled.
Kai and I both laughed. “We’ll find something better next year,” he promised.
“Maybe a banana costume?” River offered. “I wouldn’t mind dressing up as a gorilla.”
Kai stepped back and gave Leo a steady look up and down. “I can see it already.”
A few employees wandered our way, and I noticed Kai and Leo slipping into work mode. They both got more serious and focused, straightening their backs, which had an unintentional comedic effect with the costumes.
River and I exchanged a glance, then burst into laughter.
“How’s the barbecue tonight?” Xavier asked. He worked the front desk at Silver Lining, and I always ended up chatting with him when I came in. He and his boyfriend were dressed as cavemen, both carrying clubs, and the social media team walked behind, matching as the new Ghostbusters team.
“It’s cooking,” Leo answered, earning a laugh that was obviously louder than he expected.
Malika from the social media team smiled widely at Kai. “Good to see you dressed up finally,” she said. “I guess your new boyfriend is a good influence.”
I grabbed Kai’s hand but was relieved when he didn’t start anxiously squeezing back. “Yeah, he is,” he said.
“Why didn’t you go in those cute dog and cat costumes?” Xavier asked loudly, his drink swirling in his hand. “Do you all remember that? Kai and Izzy posted it on Instagram.”
Leo and River both looked startled. I started searching for an excuse, a way to dismiss his comment, but before I could think of anything, Kai jumped in.
“You’ll have to see what we come up with next year,” he said, his voice warm and steady and his grip on my hand only slightly tighter. “Leo really wants to dress as a banana, but we’re still figuring it out.”
Everyone laughed loudly, and quickly, the conversation moved on. No one seemed to even blink at the moment, and while it would have been nice if they forgot about the picture altogether, the fact that Kai managed to hold his composure felt like a revolution to me.
“Do you want to step outside and get some air?” I asked him as the employees wandered away. It was one of our backup plans in case he started to have a bad time.
“Nope,” he answered, stroking the back of my hand. “I’m good, thanks.”
“Yeah,” Leo grumbled. “You’ve got a secret weapon now, making fun of me.”
Kai nodded at Leo sincerely. “That’s always been my secret weapon, Leo.”
“Come on,” River laughed, rubbing his face against Leo’s bun. “It’s time I get my hotdog on the dance floor.”
“Want to join them?” Kai asked, smiling at me.
“Sure! If you’re up for it.”
“We can’t spend the whole night sitting back here like a bunch of relish,” he deadpanned.
Grinning from ear to ear, I joined him on the dancefloor. With our ketchup and mustard costumes, we couldn’t really dance the same way we usually did, but we still bounced around, swayed our hips, and laughed together. Kai took my hands, spinning me, and we bumped the tops of our bottles together in rhythm to the pop song.
This was what love was supposed to feel like. Not perfect, but messy and goofy, with growth and change and some dancing, too.
