“I figured that was it. You know, if you had, I would have said yes.”
I blinked, startled. “You would have?”
“Of course. I even tried to flirt a few times, but you always got anxious and disappeared for a week or two when I did, so I never pushed things. And the next thing I knew, you moved away.”
I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing. My whole junior high worldview was shaped by desperate pining and this unshakeable belief that I wasn’t good enough to be one of River’s romances, but now he was telling me that it all could have been different.
“I was always scared of messing things up,” I admitted. “And scared especially of losing your friendship and your family.”
“That always held me back a little, too. I knew how to throw myself into a relationship with a stranger or a new crush, but you were my best friend first, and that felt different. I guess that means we’re both pretty smart.”
“How’s that?”
“We figured it out right away. We’re meant to be friends. It’s pretty damn nice, I think.”
“Yeah,” I smiled. “It is pretty damn nice.”
“Plus, it can be really messy when a friend tries to date a friend’s brother.” He leaned in and lowered his voice to a whisper. “Can I tell you a secret?”
I stepped a little closer to him as we rounded a corner. “What’s that?”
“When Leo and I first started hooking up, we had to keep it a secret from Kai. He tried to forbid it, since I was living with them and I had that relationship pattern that you know all about, and my life was kind of a mess at the time.”
I laughed. “He tried to forbid you from dating Leo?”
It struck me as a very Kai thing to do, actually, but I recognized immediately his attempts to care for River in there and his good intentions.
“Yeah, but Leo and I went for it anyway, for obvious reasons. Kai freaked when he found out, but he also got over it pretty quickly.”
I glanced at him and scrunched my brow. It was unclear why he was telling me the story, but I nodded for River to continue. “Okay…”
We stopped in front of the coffee shop. “I love my brother. But sometimes, he gets confused. He likes everything neat and organized, with all the boxes checked, and he thinks that’s how it always needs to be. But even Kai needs his world shaken up a little bit, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling as I leaned against the brick wall of the coffee shop. “I think I know exactly what you mean.”
Giving Kai his space was important, but just like he pulled me out of my shell when we first reconnected, I needed to make sure he didn’t get too settled in his ways.
“Good.” River pushed his long hair behind his ears, then nodded inside. “Let me get you a coffee.”
* * *
When I gotto Kai’s condo that night, the door was left cracked for me. Inside, he’d dimmed the lights, and I saw that candles were lit around the place and the dining room table was actually set.
“I’m in the kitchen,” he hollered.
Smiling widely, I slipped out of my shoes and hurried to him. “You didn’t tell me it was a special dinner,” I said. “I had to make a last-minute field visit at the end of work, and I’m still wearing my hiking clothes.”
Kai turned from the oven and greeted me with a kiss. “I love your hiking clothes,” he said. “I just thought it would be nice to have a reset.”
I looked him up and down. He had a white apron tied over a pair of slacks and a rose sweater that I loved. Kai got his hair cut once every two weeks exactly, and from how tight and fresh it looked, I knew it had been that morning.
My goal was to try to flirt with him and see if I could tease him out of his anxieties, but I got the impression he might have his own plan in mind for the evening.
I ran my fingers along the side of his head, tracing the neatly buzzed hair. “Can I help?”
He tensed slightly, but then relaxed again. “Nope,” he answered, then opened the oven. “Pizza’s ready.”
My eyes got wider. “Homemade pizza?”
