“That’s right!”
Izzy was practically glowing, he looked that happy as he took a seat at the island counter. I reminded myself that it was normal to be happy after a good date, which we had the night before.
Hell, I was happy, too. Just miserably happy.
“I still can’t get over it,” Izzy said. He was wearing a bright green shirt with the name of his conservation project printed on the front, and I could see that he’d carefully combed his hair, swooping it back in just the right way. “It was you that whole time!”
I slid him the coffee. “That’s right,” I said, forcing a laugh. “I still kind of can’t believe it, either.”
Izzy quirked his mouth to the side. An awkward moment passed; then he nodded. “Are you kind of freaking out about it still?” he asked gently.
So much for hiding my feelings. And I was usually so skilled at it.
I quickly turned to the oven to get the frittata. “No,” I said, then glanced over my shoulder. “I’m too busy pretending that I’m not kind of freaking out about it to do that.”
Izzy’s warm laughter filled the room, relaxing me slightly. “I woke up in a panic,” he admitted.
“But you’re not panicking now?”
He shook his head quickly, his mug in his hands. “Not really. I mean, I kind of feel like I’m in over my head here a little bit, but I’m excited.” He bit his lip as I set the cast iron pan down on a trivet. “I’m having a really good time with you, Kai,” he added, hope stringing through his voice.
What was it about that voice? If I had been hearing him talk all those years, I probably would have fallen desperately in love with him by now.
I took a gulp of coffee, trying to swallow that last thought before I had to think about it too much. “I’m having a really good time with you, too.” I slid onto the stool beside him. “And sorry if I’m being weird or jumpy. I’m good at direct conversations, but for some reason, this particular topic has always given me trouble.”
“I almost told Jo a couple of times, but I always chickened out.”
I chuckled. “I never even considered telling Leo. I think his head would explode.”
Izzy grinned at me, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Yeah, it’s kind of hard to work that one into a conversation.”
I grabbed the knife and started cutting the frittata, which was shiny and browned at the top. “I don’t do that with anyone else,” I said, my voice coming out more stiffly than I intended. “It’s not like, a deep fetish or something.”
“I know,” Izzy answered, accepting the plate. “We talked about that online a million times, remember?”
“Right, right. I’m still combining it all in my head, I guess.”
He popped some of the egg in his mouth, and his lids drifted over his eyes while he chewed. “What is in this?” he asked, bliss in his voice.
Satisfaction hummed behind my ribs. “Ricotta, red peppers, onion, potato, a little parsley. That’s about it.”
The way his eyes rolled back made me grin, and that reminded me of the face he made when he came, and the noise, and for a second, I was a mess again.
“This is my new favorite breakfast, thank you.”
“Any time,” I said, holding my mug over my mouth.
“It’s been quite a few years since I dressed up with anyone else, too,” he reminded me. “And I don’t think it’s a fetish for me, either. At least not exactly. I actually tried to throw the costumes away a couple times, thinking I should get over it, but I was never able to.”
My jaw tightened at the idea he would have done that, even though I’d had the same kinds of doubts. “I promised myself a million times I’d stop logging on,” I acknowledged.
“Well, I’m really glad neither of us quit. We probably would have reconnected and then spent the rest of our lives never bringing it up.” He stabbed the egg again. “Not that I’ll know you for the rest of my life,” he added quickly.
“I would have taken it to my grave,” I laughed. “Honestly, I still feel embarrassed just talking about it in front of you.”
“I mean, it’s kind of silly, sure, but you don’t need to be embarrassed with me,” he said warmly. “Hell, I’m the one in the costume. You’re just watching from home.”
My cheeks were probably a little pink, I realized as I straightened my back. “I know. It doesn’t make any sense.” I considered how much I wanted to say, but the tone in Izzy’s voice lingered in my ears. I was lured by the gentle way he shared with me, which I knew wasn’t the easiest thing for him, and the truth came tumbling out. “For a few years, I convinced myself that the reason I never dated was because I was so hung up on you. Like I knew how to jerk off with my face hidden, but I’d forgotten how to date real people or have real sex.”
