I thought about all the men Leo had hooked up with, and for a second, a flicker of jealousy teased the back of my mind. It was an old impulse, but it quickly flickered away. I trusted Leo, and I had known about this part of his life when I first met him.
Anyway, we didn’t judge each other, and I had no interest in starting now. Our past relationships were a part of who we were, but they didn’t define either of us.
At least they didn’t have to, not if we didn’t let them.
Leo stroked his beard, then continued. “Lately, though, my hookups have been just that. I exchange a few words and forget the specifics pretty much as soon as it’s over. Hell, we usually don’t even kiss. I don’t exactly mind it, and I still get what I’m looking for out of the experience. But I guess I’m realizing this other part,” he wiggled his toes again, “matters to me, too.”
I blinked a few times, glad that Leo had opened up to me more. When he looked away, I realized he was actually shy about it, which I found endearing.
“You’re not worried that movies on the couch will get you thinking irrationally?” I teased. “I remember someone talking about how he needed a clear head to crush it at the office.”
Leo laughed and kicked at me. “If I try to skip work tomorrow to watch aDie Hardmarathon on cable with you, then we’ll know we’re in trouble.”
I rubbed his calf. His muscles were always so tight, and so I massaged them while we lay there, gratified to feel the tension melting.
Leo leaned back, a content smile on his face. With sex off the table, it was easier to sink into the moment and appreciate the night for what it was. I could savor the intimacy without asking for it to lead to anything more.
We could just be together.
“Do you want to finish this movie?” he asked with a soft yawn.
I glanced at the time and realized how tired I was, too. “Would you mind if we picked it up later?”
He shook his head and sat up. “No, that’s fine.” He swallowed. “Would you want to sleep in my bed tonight? Just sleep,” he added quickly. “Nothing else.”
I grinned. “That’s exactly what I want. Thanks, Leo.”
We both got up and, without saying much more, switched into our nighttime routines. Usually, we took our own turns in the big bathroom, but that night we stood by each other’s sides as we brushed our teeth and washed up. I ran to my room to grab some shorts to sleep in and selected a baggy and kind of unflattering pair for good measure. When I got to Leo’s room, he was already in bed, shirtless but covered by a thin cotton sheet.
I padded over and crawled in beside him. Like always, his room was perfectly organized and tidy, and I understood for the first time how calming that could be.
I turned on my side, then scooched close until I was lying beside him, almost touching. It felt so good to be in his bed with him. I felt like I was relaxing in a way I hadn’t in ages.
I inhaled the piney aroma, his scent lingering on the pillowcase.
Leo turned, hooked his arm over my chest, and cuddled up beside me. “Is this okay?”
I took his wrist and pressed his hand to my chest. As I held him there, his embrace felt like a cocoon of glowing, warm energy around me.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “It feels great.”
Chapter Nineteen
Leo
I wokewith River curled in my arms. While he slept, he made these soft whimpering noises that drove me out of my mind. I’d heard them before, walking by his room in the hallway and at the campsite, but it was a whole different thing to feel the rise and fall of his chest as he whimpered in my embrace.
After a few minutes of holding him, I pulled myself away and snuck off to the kitchen. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d shared a bed with someone, and cuddling all night left me feeling intoxicated in the morning.
Drunk on the good feeling of it and also very, very horny. But I pushed my hard cock aside and forced myself to focus on making breakfast instead. River and I were very clear that we wouldn’t hook up while Kai was out of town, and I didn’t intend to blur those lines or push his boundaries in any way.
Although I was getting very confused about what we were doing. Would we hook up again? Would we just keep building this quiet, slow thing? It wasn’t a relationship, but it wasn’t not a relationship, either. Something had to change or give at some point, and I was sure we both knew it, but asking those questions also felt dangerous.
One wrong word and the beautiful thing we were building together could turn to ashes in our hands.
I remembered that River usually had a light breakfast, so I plopped some yogurt into a dish and fixed it up with fresh blueberries, a sprinkle of coconut granola, and a drizzle of honey. Once the coffee was ready, I got everything set on a tray and brought it back to the bedroom, where he was just stretching himself awake.
“Morning,” I greeted. “How’d you sleep?”
