I drew a card, then laid down a book. “Can we move the Silver Lining office out here?” I asked. “Do you think the clients would go for it?”
Cass laughed. “I’m pretty sure most of your clients don’t hike.” He was fiddling with the battery-powered radio, and he stopped on a classic rock station.
I glanced at my cards. “Someday, your band is going to get famous, whether you like it or not, and then you’ll come begging for my services.”
“Reverse PR?” Cass asked. “Is that a thing? Can you make people unfamous?”
“Leo?” Kai asked. “He can sell the media on just about any story.”
“Yeah,” I laughed, then crumpled my beer can and tossed it at Cass. “I’m sure I can handle the spin on you not being cool.”
Cass threw down a run of five cards. “Rummy,” he replied smugly.
Kai was exhausted from limping around all day, so he headed to bed early. I expected Shawn and Cass to hang by the fire late, but the second Shawn started fluttering his eyelashes, I knew exactly where they were headed for the night.
About thirty seconds after retiring to their tent, I heard clothes rustling and barely stifled giggles from my brother. “Okay,” I said abruptly and turned to River, who was relaxing by the fire. “Take a walk with me?”
The light in my brother’s tent switched off, and Cass moaned, earning a long laugh from River. “Yeah, okay. Come on. I wouldn’t want to listen to Kai get busy either.”
Away from the fire, the woods were dark, the faint light of the stars and the full moon blocked by the trees. River and I both wore headlamps, strapped around our foreheads, and the lights bounced on the path in front of us as we walked slowly away from the camp.
“Did Shawn show you around the stars?”
River nodded. His hoodie was zipped up, and his hands were shoved in the pockets. “He did. I really want to read his book now. I realized I don’t know anything about astronomy.”
“I’ll get you a copy. It’s really good.”
We came to a stop at a bend in the path. “And thanks again for having me along,” River said. “I know Shawn and Cass are more your people than they are Kai’s.” He looked at me, and his headlamp flashed its bright light in my eyes. We laughed and both turned our lamps to the side, dimming my view of him. “It’s nice to be included,” River added.
“Of course. It’s nice to have you here.”
Nicer than I could have possibly imagined, in fact. And not just because of the unexpected treat out at the river that afternoon. My muscles were still good and sore from swimming, and my cheeks hurt from laughing so much. My body ached in the best possible way as River and I stood there, the quiet hush of the forest at night humming around us.
“What did you mean?” I asked. “When you said not to let you lose control?”
River tucked his hair behind his ear. “You know, throw myself into something with you. Act all love-crazy just because we’re doing… whatever it is we’re doing.”
“That’s what I thought you meant.” There was something I’d been meaning to ask for a while, but that night felt like it was finally the right time. “You really had your heart broken in Italy, didn’t you? And some bad breakups before that?”
River stepped back and leaned against a tall tree. “I get myself into it,” he sighed. “I jump into a new relationship or follow some romantic idea before I have a chance to really think it through and consider the downside.”
He sounded like he was really beating himself up about it. “There’s something sweet about that,” I offered. “Most people are scared to open up.”
He shook his head quickly. “It’s not sweet,” he said firmly. “It hurts.”
I couldn’t see his face clearly, but I could hear the strain in his voice, like the pain of his past relationships still tore at him.
“Okay,” I said with a nod. I wanted him to know that I had heard him clearly. “I understand. And I’m sorry you’ve been hurt so much.”
“Stefano was a mistake, but I hope he was my last one.”
“Not sweet, then,” I said softly. “But brave.”
The words that I truly wanted to say fell to silence on my lips. If I were lucky enough to be with him, I would never hurt River. I would never disrespect him or leave him torn apart like this, no matter how things went between us.
Instead, I decided the best I could do was to offer something of myself, instead. “I think a part of me has always been scared to be hurt like that. You might go too far and too fast, but I hope you know it really is brave to trust someone else. I’ve never been able to.”
River looked up to me with a smile on his lips. “I thought you just didn’t want a relationship?”
