“You’re not a nervous kid,” Audrey scolded, then sipped from her pink coffee mug. Home on her day off, the bookshelves behind her were filled with as many plants as books. “You’re delightful, Shawn. You’re a twinkling star, you know that.”
“Delightful!” I exclaimed. “Delightful is like pretty little pink cookies you dip in your tea or the ending of a really good cartoon. Delightful is not hot, Audrey.”
She frowned and tilted her head, sending a pile of curly hair cascading to the side. “I’m not sure about that.”
“At least he’s straight. That means nothing can happen, so hopefully, this whole thing will fade on its own.” Cass was my first crush, but since then, I’ve only ever been interested in queer men. I fell backward against the rug and sprawled my arms out. “At least I don’t have to torture myself over whether or not he thinks I’m cute.”
“What was the high school crush like?” she asked, and I leaned my head up to catch her raising her eyebrows. “Did you, like, pine over him every night and write about him in your star journal?”
I groaned loudly.
“Oh my god, you did!” she laughed.
“Not exactly,” I answered, sitting back up. “But maybe, a couple of times, I might have put a heart in my log on the days that I saw him.”
“I’m dying,” Audrey said, pointing at her face. Her cheeks were curled up in a comically wide grin. “Do you see this, Shawn? This is how happy I am to hear you express an actual romantic interest in a human being.”
“A straight man,” I complained. “And it’s not an actual interest. It’s a high school crush with a strange second life. Like the crush of the undead or something.”
“It’s a start,” she pointed out.
I grabbed the laptop and shuffled to the kitchen, tossing it on the counter. “He really did save my ass in high school, though. I couldn’t get a break that year, except for whenever Cass was around. He only had to shove a couple guys, and after that, it was like people knew I was his. Because he was always skipping school with Leo and smoking in the parking lot, I guess the other kids thought he was tough.”
“He sounds tough.”
I laughed and started to make myself a coffee. “Yeah, he kind of was. I didn’t really see him much outside of school. Mom wasn’t his biggest fan, considering she met him when he and Leo got picked up trying to buy beer. And the few times I was in the driveway when he dropped Leo off, they always had the music blasting so loud in the car, I couldn’t hear what they were saying anyway. I didn’t forget him after he graduated, though. I must have thought about him when I jerked off like a thousand times.”
Audrey laughed. “Wow. The many pornographic adventures of Shawn and Cass.”
I let out a puff of air. “I just need to stop thinking about all of that. We’re living together for the summer, and I need to not embarrass myself every day like I did last night.”
“I’m sure you didn’t embarrass yourself.”
“He found my framed picture of Carl Sagan. Like, immediately. And I tripped into his arms when we were saying goodnight.”
“Well, he’s already seen you at your dorkiest ten years ago, right? It doesn’t sound like he’s going to be judging you or anything.” She chuckled, then leaned back in the chair. “Poor Shawn. I’m sure you’ll adjust soon.”
I nodded, then turned to the stack of books, waiting on the end of the counter. “I hope so. This book isn’t going to write itself.”
* * *
While Cass was in town, I managed to relocate my working area. Even though the back of the house was pretty separate, I knew that I would be totally useless at writing in the dining room or living room with him there. I’d spend my afternoons staring at the door frame and worrying he was going to show up and catch me playing with my asteroids.
So to speak.
Instead, I transformed the landing at the top of the stairs, which was actually quite perfect. A high window looked out onto the sky, and Grandma’s old wooden vanity where she used to do her makeup made a perfect writing desk. With my research neatly stacked around me, I even preferred the spot to the downstairs.
Standing there, quite satisfied with myself, I heard the rumble of Cass’s truck, which drew me to the window. There was lumber sticking out the bed, and after Cass jumped out the driver’s seat, he casually grabbed a few of the long boards. Swinging them on his shoulder, he sauntered back toward the art studio.
My heart thumped. Now the image of his ass was seared into my mind, hugged tight by denim as he reached into the truck.
There was a flood of warmth behind my balls as I felt my cock stiffen. Whimpering, I adjusted my pants. I really, really wanted to walk into my bedroom and jerk off. Feeling like a teenager again, I knew it wouldn’t take me long to finish off.
But I needed to extinguish those thoughts as soon as possible. Cass was straight, and he was my roommate for the summer, and if I went and embarrassed myself in front of him, Leo would find out, too, and probably everyone else we had in common.
I took a big gulp from my water. Damn Leo. He used to tease me about having a crush, and now here he was a decade later, basically rubbing it in my face.
Turning to the desk, I managed to grit my teeth and write for a while. The words came slowly, and my attention went to the window anytime I heard a noise from the driveway, but I scribbled down some thoughts on the Orion Nebula anyway.
