I thought about it. “I guess because exploring this feels fun and exciting, but I don’t know where I end up at the end of it, you know?”
Shawn pulled himself up, then crossed his legs under his body, facing me. “I know,” he said. “And I know you’re not, like, a repressed homosexual or something like that.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I’ve never felt uncomfortable around gay people or anything like that.” I thought about it and remembered how it felt to have women throw themselves at me because of the band, treating me like some fun adventure. “I just don’t want you to think I’m using you to explore.”
Shawn’s cheeks turned pink as he grinned. “Cass, please, please do not stop yourself from using me to explore.”
I laughed. “You know what I mean.”
Shawn nodded. “We don’t live in the same city. Hell, we went ten years without seeing each other before this summer.” He rubbed the back of his head and tilted his face down, his eyes still holding mine. “And this is really nice for me. If you’re still having fun, I’d love to keep exploring with you.”
I cocked up half a grin. “Yeah,” I said. “It is really nice, isn’t it?”
Because Shawn was right. Whatever was waiting on the other side of the summer, we were in the country together now. And honestly, I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather spend the day with anyway.
Chapter Thirteen
Shawn
With the windows open upstairs,Cass’s drum set rumbled, loud and clear. Ever since we started hooking up, I’d been leaving the window right above my desk propped open while I worked. Especially when he messed around with the recordings I had given him, it was a nice feeling to hear his drumming, loud and clear, like we were working together instead of alone.
I finished typing out the last sentences of the chapter I had been working on, satisfied with the draft. I’d finally figured out a nice routine for my work, which still included lots of time writing at night. And since Cass and I kept jerking off together in the afternoons, I had a clear head to work after that.
My whole body felt wobbly as I thought about him and what we were doing together. I was in a total dream world with Cass. Somehow, our paces lined up perfectly. His steadiness helped me to slow down, and once I was there with him, it was easy to move together. We each took plenty of space to work on our own things, but throughout the day, we kept coming back to each other, too. He brought me snacks, and after dinner, we watched the stars come out.
I rubbed my face, then turned back to work. A new email had popped up in my box, and I was glad to see the name of my old advisor from grad school. Dr. Freeman had immediately taken me under her wing, encouraging me while I stumbled through my early physics courses. The email was brief, just a quick hello, a link to a job posting, and a request that I call her.
When I clicked the link, it brought me to a research initiative being run by NASA and a few private research institutions. I scanned through a description of a data analysis job, my eyes jumping across the technical information. It was pretty standard stuff, taking the numbers that came in from telescopes, scattered around the world, and doing the grunt work to make that data useful for the researchers. The project itself was interesting, figuring out what kind of planets might be circling some specific star systems, but the work sounded tedious and demanding.
I grabbed my phone, then called Dr. Freeman up.
“Shawn, we miss you around campus.”
I smiled. “How’s your summer course?”
“Oh, you know, I’ll never have a teaching assistant as conscientious as you were. Did you get a chance to look at that job I sent along?”
I rose from the desk, then closed the window before Cass started drumming again. “I did. You think I should consider it? I’ve never thought about living in Texas before.”
“And I know you were hoping to take the whole summer off. This starts a bit before the fall. But my old colleague, Dr. Diaz, is running the initiative. She’s hoping to find a few good workers to join her crew and make a career out of.”
“Oh,” I said, flattered. “And you think I would be good for her?”
“Marie’s work takes her all over the world. It’s one of the reasons she’s always losing crew. But I remember that you were resistant to the idea of taking a permanent laboratory job, and I thought a world tour of massive telescopes might be appealing as an alternative.”
My heart skipped a beat. Going all over the world and working at major astronomical research facilities would be amazing. I’d get to see things that very few people saw, and I’d be on top of all the latest research. But working as a data analyst sounded painful, and moving every few years would mean saying no to a lot of other life things.
I shook my head, suddenly confused. The only life things I was normally interested in took place beside a telescope, and it wasn’t like I was rushing to plan my retirement yet. “Can I think about it?”
“Of course. Marie will take my recommendation, if I make one. Just let me know in a couple of weeks, will you?”
“Yeah,” I said. “And thanks for thinking of me, Dr. Freeman.”
“You’d be a good fit,” she said. “Take it seriously, Shawn. This could be a career that took care of you for the rest of your life.”
I got off the phone, then turned back to the computer. For the next hour or so, I roamed around on the internet, reading about the initiative, the research institutions behind it, and about Dr. Diaz’s work. I knew I had the skills to do the kind of data analysis involved, even if I would hate it, and math would be an unavoidable pain of any job, but in my field, there was nothing new about that. But I couldn’t make sense whether travelling the world like that would make me happy or miserable.
“Hey, Shawn!” Cass called from downstairs, pulling me from the screen.
