Sebastian
When Seband Declan got to the hotel room near Niagara Falls, Seb immediately fell to the bed, spinning in the air to land on his back. Exhaustion weighed on his body, but nothing felt as heavy as the growing reality of what he had lost.
“My research, my equipment…” He rubbed his hand across his forehead. Even with all of his careful backups, the loss was a stab in the gut, and the loss of the laboratory made him feel ungrounded.
“The man working the desk tells us congratulations,” Declan said as he walked into the room, “and to have a happy honeymoon.” He kicked the door shut behind him. A couple of suitcases hung from his hands, and Ellie was zipped up in his jacket.
Seb smiled, then pulled himself up on his elbows. “I guess that means we’re officially undercover.”
Declan unloaded Ellie to the floor, then gestured over his shoulder. “So many people coming and going around here, no one ever remembers each other. We’ll be good. You going to tell me what happened back at the house now?”
Seb sighed. When they were standing in front of the fire, he hadn’t really been able to think. But now that they were safely away, he kept wondering about different things in the house. Would the recipe book in the kitchen have survived? His favorite pillow?
Declan grabbed a bottle of beer from the six pack he had picked up, then sat on the bed beside Seb. Seb scooted himself a little closer, drawn to the gravity of Declan’s warmth, eager to inhale his musky scent again. In a deep, physical way, Seb wanted Declan. He wanted to share everything with him, every thought and fear that swirled through his head. It was like the desire to talk was alive on his skin.
But he still saw the flames of the actual fire, too.
He still felt his life burning up, his past disintegrated. He opened his mouth and closed it again, trying to find the words that would make sense to Declan, that would explain the irrational, impulsive thing he had done.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Declan said. His voice was steady, not unkind, but still clearly disappointed. “A lot of people been keeping me in the dark, Seb, but I didn’t think you would be one of them,” he said, then took a drink of his beer. “I’m no good that way. No good at all.”
Seb winced at the words, stung. He never would have had the courage to act if he had thought his plan through and calculated out the risks. And now, it all seemed so blurry, like his own grip on reality had been lost in the smoke.
“Declan,” he whispered. “I’ll explain everything. I promise I will. I just… I need a little more time.” He swallowed, then finally caved to his desire and pressed his body close to Declan’s, curling up against the older man’s muscles. “I’m just not done yet. There’s more I have to do.”
Declan grunted, and Seb felt the rumble of his voice in his chest. “You take your time,” he said, then squeezed his arm around Seb’s shoulder, sending trembles of pleasure down Seb’s spine. Declan rose to his feet, breaking the spell of his touch, and headed to the window. He parted the blinds with his fingers, peering out across the parking lot. “I’ll keep watch as long as you need. You can count on that.”
“Thank you,” Seb said, standing up. Tears welled at the corners of his eyes, and his breath felt torn in his chest. The need he had for Declan only grew stronger, fiercer, as the foundations of his life turned to ash.
One big sacrifice. Seb just prayed it was worth it.
Stress ached in Declan’s eyes as he stared at Seb. “Just tell me that you lit the fire, Seb. Tell me that much, and I’ll be able to rest.”
“Yes,” Seb said, the words tumbling out. “I did.”
He felt like a ghost passed through his body. It didn’t sound like something he would do, yet he knew it was true, and saying it to Declan made it all the more real.
Declan let out a puff of air, then leaned his forehead against the doorframe. “Shit, Seb,” he said. He lifted his beer for a drink, then cursed again. “That could have gone a lot of different ways, you know that?” He turned back, and Seb was shocked to see the strain across his eyes, like a tear might leak out. “You don’t know how risky that was.”
Seb’s heart ripped. He’d hurt Declan. He could see the pain, and for just a moment, that made him regret it all.
“Declan,” he said, standing up again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you first.”
Declan shook his head, then grabbed his jacket as he stood and stepped away. “It’s fine,” he mumbled, unconvincingly. “But I should go for a walk, scope this place out.” He kept his eyes toward the door as he held his phone up, shaking it. “Call me if you need me.”
Seb’s heart iced over. “Okay,” he choked out. “You’re sure?”
Declan paused in the doorway. “I’m sure, kid. Don’t worry. I just need a minute.” He hurried out the door, then tugged it shut behind him.
A bolt of pain hit Seb. He wanted to chase after Declan, to grab at him or even try to demand that he stayed.
It was one thing to burn his life down. But if he had gone and lost Declan, too, Seb didn’t know how he would come out the other side.
DECLAN
Declan headed around the block outside the hotel in a slow circle. His hands were stuffed into his pockets, and his emotions threatened to boil over, but at least it was easy to avoid a crowd, the winter too cold and damp for most tourists.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t believe Seb had gone and burned his laboratory down. He could believe it damn well, in fact. The kid always seemed to do what he thought was right, no matter how the cards were stacked against him or how ridiculous he might look to other people.
