Marco pulled himself around. His boxers got bunched up around his leg, and I smiled to myself as I fixed them for him. He laughed, then pulled himself up on my chest.
“Still, Demir,” he said, “I have a lot of questions.” His breath was hot on my neck as he traced his fingers across my chest, playing with my hair. “Considering the families we all have, shouldn’t we know better? Shouldn’t we just enjoy our happy life together and call it good? Not to mention the money. Babies are so expensive, and we’re talking about launching a new business.”
“If this is something we’re open to,” I said, “then we’ll see how things go with Grayson. It’s too early to start something like this with him anyway. We’ll have time to figure out if this is love and if raising a family is the right choice for us. We just have to decide now whether that’s a path we might take, not whether it’s the one we will take.” I paused, then nodded to myself. “But if we do decide to make a family together, I’m sure the three of us will have everything we need.”
Marco curled himself a little closer to me. “Yeah,” he said. “We will.”
I kept stroking his hair for a while and feeling the heat of his body pressed against mine. Soon enough, I realized that Marco had fallen asleep. Chuckling, I pulled myself out from beneath him and guided him to the pillows. I padded around the room to finish getting ready for bed, then turned off the lights, and crawled in.
It felt so good to have Marco there, right in my arms where I knew he was safe.
But god damn did I hate that Grayson wasn’t there too.
GRAYSON
The first night after I walked out of the loft, hurrying into the late summer dusk and away from the truth I had just announced, I barely slept. I kept staring at the phone, my heart aching. I terrified myself that the guys were going to decide they didn’t want children, convinced I should have just kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the relationship we had.
They were offering me everything I wanted. Everything I needed.
Except, I realized, for that one thing.
The next morning, they each texted me in our group thread. I was half asleep, lying in bed with Lou meowing at my feet, but when I heard the text noise, I bolted awake.
Thinking of you and how lucky I am to have you in my life,Marco texted.
Missing you in the loft, Demir texted.Dinner in a couple days? We’re talking and thinking through your offer.
Relief washed over me. They hadn’t disappeared, and they hadn’t freaked out. At least if they had freaked out, they’d decided to keep it a secret from me.
I pulled myself out of bed. I had slept in a pair of Demir’s boxers that had accidentally gotten mixed up in my stuff, and I scratched the scars on my chest as I yawned, an old habit I kept up even though they never itched any more.
“The guys texted,” I showed Lou. “So now I just have to wait for a couple days.”
I frowned, then wandered to the bathroom and flipped on the shower.
Typical Grayson.
I always had these revelations about myself at the worst possible times. It was like when I was breaking up with Zoe and realizing I was gay at the same time. If I had only known myself well enough before, I could have been upfront with the guys.
I could have spared myself the heartache that might have been around the corner, if they said no.
Because one thing was absolutely sure. If they weren’t open to raising kids, I was going to need to go back on my own path, painful as that was to admit.
I stepped into the water and pulled my lips back when the hot spray blasted against my chest. I turned it down a little and adjusted to the temperature, then squirted some body wash onto a washcloth. Dragging it across my body and disappearing into the steam, I tried to fight off the obsessive thinking, to force myself to feel something different than this need to run to Demir and Marco.
I stepped out of the shower and carefully dried my hand and arm with the towel before grabbing my phone from the vanity top. It was nine thirty already, meaning I had at least managed to catch a few hours once I finally fell asleep, and also that it wasn’t too ridiculously early to text.
Good morning! Guys texted back, just taking a couple days to think.
I set my phone down to wrap the towel around my waist, and immediately, it started buzzing on the linoleum.
“I wondered when I would hear from you,” Alyssa said when I answered. “Are you feeling better?”
“Kind of,” I answered, wandering into the kitchen. “Can I be feeling better if my stomach is still in a knot?”
“Sure,” she answered with a yawn. “Just try to remember Demir and Marco will need space to think about this. Space isn’t bad. It just means they’re taking it seriously.”
“Right,” I agreed as I turned on the coffee. “Hell, I learned about it at pretty much the same time they did. I’m still processing, too.”
