I said it, and it was true, but the words sounded stilted and strange.Dating happilyjust didn’t seem like the way to describe the feelings I had.
I startled, then pulled my lips tight. I was having some very strong feelings, I realized, but wasn’t actually ready to admit it to myself quite yet.
“You transitioned a long time ago, is that right?” I asked him. “Have you dated men the whole time?”
“I have,” Zach answered. “I was with my first boyfriend for ten years, actually, and then I’ve been dating and more or less single for the past five years.”
I wasn’t sure if I knew him well enough to ask how the relationship ended, so I gave it a moment and continued. “This is my first experience dating as a gay man,” I said.
“And get this,” Alyssa jumped in. She had a pita in her hand and a glob of hummus on the end of it. “He’s seeing Demir and Marco.”
“What!” Zach said. His mouth dropped open, like a pinkOin the middle of his thick beard. “That’s one hell of a way to start things off.”
I laughed. “I guess I’m not surprised that you know them.”
Zach nodded. “I usually date guys a little older than me. Most of my ex-boyfriends are bears. But I can see how you’d fall for those two. They’re both so…”
“Pretty,” Alyssa laughed.
I smiled to myself, feeling kind of dreamy. “Yeah, they are.”
“Things still steamy in bed?” Alyssa asked.
I looked to Zach. I wasn’t the type to answer a question like that in front of anyone but Alyssa, although she was doing her damn best to loosen me up.
“Actually,” I said. “Zach, if this is too much, please let me know. I’m going to top one of them soon, I think, and since I haven’t been with a gay man before…” I tried to think of the specific question I was reaching for but came up short.
I’d read a million online articles, of course. But that was different than actually talking to someone with experience.
“It’s not too much,” Zach replied, dipping a falafel ball in the hummus. “I’m happy to share some of my experience. But you’ll have to be more specific.”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to mention which of the guys I was going to top. That felt like their business and something I shouldn’t share.
“Yeah, Grayson,” Alyssa asked. “What do you mean by topping?”
I blinked and realized they were on a totally different page than I was. “Um, I guess I’m not sure? We used the wordfuckwhen we talked about it.”
“They probably mean anal, then,” Zach said. “But just so you know, there are lots of other ways to top, too.”
“Yeah,” Alyssa agreed. “Sometimes, I feel like Claire tops me just by talking.”
Zach laughed. “Trust me. Gay men are very creative when it comes to this kind of thing.”
I nodded. “Creativity. Got it.”
Zach glanced at the stacks of papers, neatly arranged on the hardwood floor near us. “I can spend all day giving you information about anal sex, but how do you feel about multitasking?”
That afternoon, after putting away the food and washing my hands, I had perhaps the strangest conversation of my life. For three hours, our talk darted between home office organization and anal sex. We explained prostate location and utility filings, plaster molds and types of lube. Zach explained some basic anatomy that I felt embarrassed not to already know, and Alyssa threw in an occasional joke to keep it all light. And when we were all finished, I had my life back in order, a much more sophisticated understanding of anal sex, and a new friend to top it all off.
“Come by the park next weekend,” Zach said as he began to gather his supplies back together. The sun was still bright and high enough in the sky that we could enjoy the day, the task having gone much faster with help than I could have imagined.
“The park?”
“There’s a big picnic,” Alyssa said. “Some of the friends you met at brunch.”
“And bring Demir and Marco,” Zach added. “I’m sure everyone would love to get a peek at the three of you in action.”
