Chapter Twenty-Nine
Clark
“But why?” I said, tears stinging my eyes and pain aching my voice. “I thought you’d be happy for me!”
I was sitting on the edge of my bed, clutching a pillow to my chest as I talked to my mom on speakerphone. It was dusk outside, and I had just returned home from a busy day at the shop.
“Clark,” she said gently. “I think you’ve just gotten a bit confused. I know you’re eager to start dating, but that doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself.”
“Compromise myself?” I asked, falling backward against the mattress. “I’m not compromising myself, Mom. They’re the people Iwantto date!”
“You might think that, but you can’t have a serious relationship with two men. It’s just not how things work.”
I shook my head, frustration building beneath my ribs. “But when I told you about Ezra’s relationship, you didn’t say anything like this. You acted happy for him! Why can’t you be happy for me?”
“Ezra isn’t my son,” she said sternly. “You are. And I know you, Clark. I’ve seen what happens when things fall apart in your life, and I’ve seen how much work you put in to get things back together. Wouldn’t it be smarter to date someone a bit more appropriate? You should be finding a husband and figuring out a career that will take you out of the comic book shop, not running around dating two people at once.”
I paused, not certain I heard her right. “What about the comic book shop?”
“You’ll need a better paying job soon,” she said. “You’ll need a career, especially if you’re going to enter into an adult relationship.”
I gritted my teeth, then squeezed the pillow tighter. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. After years of supporting me and saying that she would stand by me no matter what, it was like she was tearing it all away, just like that. “I love my job,” I said with a tense voice. “And I’m dating Rip and Mars.”
“Rip?” she asked. “How strange. The same name as…” She trailed off before she finished her sentence, and I winced. I hadn’t mean to let that slip. I thought I would tell her that Rip was the guy from high school later, after I had figured out how to give that information carefully. But now that she was showing me how she really felt about my life, I couldn’t hold back.
“Itisthe same guy,” I said, my voice straining. “It’s the same Rip!”
“What?” she asked, sounding positively scandalized. “Clark, that’s ridiculous. Do you hear yourself? Do you hear what you’re saying to me?” I listened to her breathe for a moment, and it sounded like she was choking back tears. “All those horrible things he did to you. All those nights you came home, terrified and crying…”
The tears broke through, pouring down my face. “I know, Mom. It was me, remember? It was me who lived through that, not you.”
She clicked her tongue. “A mother lives through everything her son lives through, Clark, everything. I might not have experienced it, but I remember your pain. I felt it.” She sucked in another breath, and I heard her curse quietly, a thing she almost never did. “My god, there must be something going on. Let me come to Seattle. Let me see if Dr. Campbell is available. This all isn’t right.”
“No,” I said, forcing myself to steady my voice. “Mom, you’re not listening to me. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I feel like a whole person for the first time.”
Silence stretched between us, and I realized I was aching with the emotions that ran beneath my skin and chilled my bones.
“I have to go,” I said flatly. “We’ll talk later.”
“Clark, I’m very worried.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I love you, Mom, but I have to go. I’ll call tomorrow.”
I hit the button to end the call, then let out the sobs that I had been choking back. I buried my face in the pillow and screamed my frustrations, muffling them as best I could.
My mother had never acted like this. She’d never undermined me or doubted what I told her. But now there she was, telling me that my job wasn’t enough and that the first people I had found who I actually wanted to date were somehow bad for me, just because of who they were.
But still, a small part of me couldn’t help but remember all those nights in high school. She’d done everything she could to support me, paying for expensive therapists and holding me, night after night. She’d heard every horrible thing Rip and his friends had done, and for so long, she had been the only person there to offer me comfort and love.
So why would she take it away now?
I heard a little knock on my door, and when I looked up, Valeria was peeking her head inside. “Can I come in?”
I nodded, then wiped some tears away. “Yeah, come in.”
Valeria came and joined me on the bed, plopping down at the edge and then running her long fingernails through my hair. “Mars?” she asked. “Or Rip?”
I shook my head quickly, squinting back more tears. “My mom,” I said. “She doesn’t think I should be with them.” I looked down at the wet spots where I had cried into the pillow, then sighed. “She also apparently thinks I need a new job.”
