“He had anxiety,” Rip continued. “Panic attacks.”
“I know. We both know that. He’s talked about it plenty of times before.”
Rip tightened his hand into a fist, and I realized how tense he had become. I set my taco down, then stood up, placing my hands on his shoulders. “Hey,” I said. “Why you so bothered by this?”
“I guess I still didn’t realize how much damage I had done, not really.”
“Back when you were bullying him?”
Rip grimaced, and I immediately regretted the word choice, although it was true. “Clark has moved past that,” I said. “It doesn’t do anyone any favors if you hold onto it. Fuck, Rip, there’s plenty of stuff we could beat ourselves up about from our past.”
He nodded, still frowning. “I know. I just want to make sure we don’t end up hurting him again, you know? Remember how much it fucked Aunt Grace up to have her ex-boyfriend come around and mess with her again?”
I started to massage his shoulders and quickly found a tense spot right beneath his neck that I pressed my thumb into. I knew how much it must fucking kill him to compare himself to one of his aunt’s boyfriends. “You think you’re going to lose your shit again? Punch the wall and scare Clark away?”
“Hell no.”
“Neither do I. And do you think I’m going to screw things up? Cause some bullshit drama by flirting with the wrong guy or something?” A second passed, and Rip fidgeted beneath my grip. “Wait a second,” I said. “Do you?”
“No, no,” he said quickly. “It’s just, like you said, you’ve never dated a guy seriously before. At least not for more than a couple of months.”
“I fucked you for years,” I pointed out. “And never went anywhere.”
Rip chuckled and relaxed back into my massage. “While you were hooking up with every available man in town, though. I don’t give a damn if you keep sleeping around, but I’m not so sure how Clark feels about it.”
My hands tightened on Rip’s shoulders, and I felt a wave of frustration. I hadn’t hooked up with a single other person since I got to Seattle, and I’d been slow and gentle with Clark, too, never pressuring him into anything until he told me he was ready. So why was Rip doubting me?
“I would never fuck anyone else without telling you and talking about it,” I grumbled.
He turned in his swivel chair to face me, and my hands fell down to his chest. His eyes were warm, but still focused and intent. Sincere. “Maybe that’s why I keep worrying myself.”
“What?”
“You and I are in love,” he said. “There’s no doubt about that. And we know each other inside and out.” He paused, then chuckled to himself. “Hell, you couldn’t lie to me if you wanted to.”
I licked my teeth, pushing down a smile. “I’m not so sure about that,” I protested, although I knew it was actually true. He could read me like Clark could read those sci-fi novels.
“My point is, stuff between us is good. Real fucking good. But that’s not the same with Clark. He doesn’t know us the way we know each other. Hell, considering this is his first time dating someone, he doesn’t even know himself, not really.”
I glanced around the room, my eyes trailing over the photos on the walls again, and I realized how right Rip was. Even though the photographs were closeups of tattoos, I could immediately place each one, remembering the friend he had tattooed the image on and where we were when the picture had been taken.
Hell, a lot of the photographs were of me, and most of the ones that weren’t were taken by me.
“So what? We’re supposed to act all gentle and reserved with Clark because he hasn’t spent the past decade running around the country with us? You know that’s not what he wants. He’s hungry for more, Rip, and he’s damn well sure that we’re the guys to give it to him.” Pride swelled my chest when I talked, and I thought about how much Clark had grown since I met him. “And let’s be sure,” I added. “We don’t want to take it slow with him, either.”
Rip stood up, then took me in his arms. I inhaled his scent and the familiar odor of tattoo ink and disinfectant that lingered in the air. “That’s not what I’m saying,” he said softly, then brushed a kiss across my lips.
I pressed myself against him and traced my hands along his shoulders. “Then what are you saying?”
“I’m not sure,” he answered. “But I do know how much I like Clark. And I know how much you like him, too. I see the way he brings out your geeky side and lets you access a part of yourself that used to hide on the streets. And god damn but I love seeing that part of you. I love seeing who you are when you’re with him. You’re tender and sweet, but you’re strong for him.”
My hands trailed down to Rip’s hips, and I hitched him closer. “I like who you are with Clark, too,” I said. “It’s like an old part of you gets to come back, some version of you that got buried years ago.”
“Then why are we beating around the bush?”
I laughed and bucked my hips into him. “I wouldn’t call what we’ve been doing beating around the bush.”
“If we both know we like him so much, why are we shying away from it? Let’s give Clark what he really wants.”
