“He’s usually late,” I said. “I don’t know if you noticed yet, but it’s good to factor about fifteen minutes into whatever time he gives you.”
Clark chuckled, then took his shot, just missing the target. “I did notice that, actually,” he said.
“It’s not because he doesn’t care,” I continued. “He just runs on a different clock. Always has.”
Clark frowned, and I wondered if I should have refrained from giving him advice about Mars. After all, they were doing their own thing, and I wouldn’t necessarily appreciate someone butting into my dating business.
“Late doesn’t bother me,” Clark said. “Anyway, I knew from the start that Mars wasn’t available for a big relationship or anything.” He shrugged. “I’m trying to be chill about things and just have some fun.”
I nodded to myself, impressed by his laidback attitude but not quite convinced he’d be able to keep it up forever. Mars was an easy man to fall in love with, after all.
“What about you?” he asked. “Are you seeing anyone?”
I laughed, then shook my head. “I enjoy the occasional hookup,” I said. “But I’ve been single for a long time. I don’t really have a lot of space in my life for new people.”
Clark nodded, then turned back to the table.
“Friends,” I added quickly. “I have room for friends, but not for a boyfriend right now.”
“I get it,” Clark said warmly. “You and Mars are alike in that way. I think it’s cool that you know what you want and what you don’t want.” He lifted his drink, then took a sip. “I’m still figuring that out for myself.”
Which was when it struck me. Like the cue ball cracking against the eight ball and sending it flying into the wrong pocket. Like lightning in the mountains or a needle piercing through an earlobe.
Mars and Clark were perfect for each other, and I was standing in the way.
Mars would be available, if it weren’t for me. Sure, he’d always be a playboy, but standing in the middle of that bar, I had no doubt in my mind he’d fall head over heels for Clark if I weren’t a part of his life. If he didn’t feel some obligation to me, the tiny apartment we shared, to Aunt Grace…
I had held Mars up for so many years. I hadn’t realized that I had started holding him back, too.
He would be happy with Clark in a way he never would be living on the couch as my best friend. He’d complained about feeling like my sidekick for years, but with Clark, he could grow and become his own person in whole new ways.
But none of that could happen if we kept doing the thing we’d always done. If we were going to keep acting like fuck buddies, and staying up late watching movies, and sleeping in the same bed, there was simply no fucking way that Clark and Mars would find their way to each other. Clark wouldn’t have it, I knew. He was too smart for that, and too sensitive.
Hell, I was his high school bully.
That lightning bolt struck my chest, and that needle pierced my heart. There was no way around it. The truth was right there, pounding on my head and forcing me to see it.
Clark and Mars were meant to be together.
“You’re good for Mars,” I said, forcing a smile despite the pain ripping through me. “He might be more available than you think.”
Clark shot me a funny look. “Really?”
“Really,” I said. “If you have strong feelings for him, Clark, you shouldn’t stop yourself from letting him know.” I paused, then forced the last words out, choking out what I knew was true. “I’ve seen Mars with a lot of guys, but he almost never acts the way he acts around you.”
It was like a light turned on, glowing across Clark’s expression. “Thanks for letting me know,” he said. “I appreciate it.”
I nodded, then returned to the game. The cue was practically shaking in my hand, but I kept myself steady, not wanting Clark to see.
Mars would be there, soon, after all. And once he arrived, I would be able to make an excuse.
I’d be able to leave so that they could be together.
