“And did you find that guy?” Xavier asked, fingering the edge of his cup.
I wanted to tell him,Yes.You, Xavier. You’re that guy. But I knew the type of trust I was seeking took more time and more patience than we’d had together.
“Not yet,” I answered. “But I’m getting there.”
He nodded, then finished off his drink. There was still a cloud of uncertainty over his face, like he was thinking carefully through my story. “There’s just something I don’t understand,” he said. “You’re the most powerful guy I know by far. Why do you need to seek it out in your sex life? Don’t you have enough in the office?”
“I’ve thought about that question a lot,” I answered. “But all I can say is that it’s different. The power I have at work is all about accomplishing things. For me, it’s about building a future and gathering enough influence and capital to leave a real legacy. For other people, it’s different. Everyone is trying to impress me or try to compete with me. They’re always there for self-interest, and I’m always second-guessing who I can trust and what the actual intentions of my colleagues might be. When I’m indulging my kink, that whole façade disappears, and it’s like something else is left in its place.” I paused, struggling to find the words to explain it. “It’s like my money and reputation fade, and the only thing left is my power and the needs of the guy I’m with. That honesty changes everything.”
Xavier nodded. “Honesty and trust. That makes a lot of sense to me.”
“What about you?” I asked. “Have you always known this was your kink?”
Xavier looked up to meet my eyes and took in a deep breath, letting it out with a quick puff. “As long as I can remember,” he acknowledged. “It took me a while to understand what kinks were and to come to terms with the fact that this was something I actually, truly wanted. It always seemed so embarrassing, but then the idea of being embarrassed is part of what turns me on.” He scrunched up his face, and I saw that pink glow coming to his cheeks again. “I guess for me it’s about power, too, but more about giving my power to someone else.”
I reached out and laid my hand on his knee to let him know I was there with him. “It can be scary to give your power over to another person.”
His tongue darted out across his lips. “My fantasies always started with someone taking power away from me. Other guys my age, or coaches. I’d imagine a scary boss calling me into his office or all of the muscular guys at my local gym turning on me. I guess that’s different than your fantasies, though. You always picture someone who wants the things you’re offering.”
I suppressed a smile, not wanting him to feel self-conscious. It was very easy to picture him bent over in an office or a gym. “I’m not sure they are so different,” I said. “After all, you don’t really want the guys at the gym to overpower you, do you?”
He giggled and rested his hand on top of mine. “That sounds like a nightmare! But I still keep fantasizing about it.”
“That’s why it’s important to find someone who you can trust,” I said. “You can roleplay that those things are happening, but you don’t have to actually live through the reality.”
“That’s what Georgia always tells me. But still, isn’t it weird that I want someone to tell me I’ve been bad? Shouldn’t I want to be good?”
“I’m pretty sure you are good,” I replied. “But taking over the family business must come with a lot of stress. Having fantasies like that can give you a safe space to work out your insecurities. You can experience what it’s like to be disciplined or what it feels like to make a big mistake and pay the price for it. You can play with the embarrassment of having everyone know your fantasies or the shame of having a group of people see the ways that you’ve messed up. But you don’t have to live through the reality of those consequences. That’s one of the things the kink gives you.”
“Like how all my stresses disappeared after last night,” he said. “I knew people talked about stuff like that, but I didn’t realize I would actually feel it.”
I took his fingers in my hand, squeezing softly. “Exactly. I’m glad I could make you feel that way, Xavier.”
“Me, too,” he said, then turned his eyes toward the screens. The screensaver had shifted from swimming fish to floating clouds. “What do you say, Dominick?” he asked suddenly, squirming in his seat. “Musical interlude? Because I could use a breather from all these deep confessions.”
There were a lot of things I wanted to do in that moment. Most of them involved wrestling his pants off of him and making at least one of his fantasies come true right there. But a promise was a promise, and I knew that a man was only as good as his word.
“All right,” I said. “Fair enough. But didn’t you say something about a duet earlier?”
He batted his eyelashes at me. “Why, Sir, I thought you’d never ask,” he teased.
And the way he saidSir? I was going to feel high on that all weekend.
I grabbed one of the microphones, spinning it in my hand. “All right, boy,” I teased back, earning a little tremble from him. “Pick something good for me.”
Xavier’s eyes lit up, and I realized he wasn’t joking when he said he was a karaoke fan earlier. He picked up the remote to the machine, punching a few buttons that flipped the volume on and opened up a screen to make song choices. “It’s not traditionally a duet…” he muttered, scrolling through the songs. “But it’s one of my favorite songs, and we can sing it together.”
I started laughing when the name of the song came on the screen. “Sweet Dreams,” I said, reading it aloud as I stood to my feet. “I can definitely work with the Eurythmics.”
Xavier leapt to his feet beside me, and I noticed the bulge in the front of his pants. He was apparently as turned on by the conversation as I was, which was a good sign. If he shut down when we talked about things, we’d have trouble building the kind of trust we needed to really play together.
Immediately, the background music started to kick in. I blew across the microphone to make sure it was on and threw my arm around Xavier’s shoulder. He leaned in close, nuzzling his forehead against my chest, and then threw himself back dramatically.
“Sweet dreams are made of this! Who am I to disagree?” he started singing without looking at the screen. It was like a whole new energy filled his body, and the nervous, shy expression left his face. Shaking his hips back and forth and holding a hand in the air, he kept singing with a voice so soft and velvety, my heart got caught in my throat. “I traveled the world and the seven seas. Everybody’s looking for something!” He giggled, then pointed at me. “Come on,” he said into the microphone. “Make it a duet!”
I pulled the microphone up to my face, dropping my voice down an octave as I joined him in the song. “Some of them want to use you,” I growled. “Some of them want to get used by you.”
Xavier swayed a little closer to me. “Some of them want to abuse you,” he crooned, still swaying his booty in a slow, seductive tease. “Some of them want to be abused.”
