“Good,” Gunner muttered, smiling to himself. “Good, Maddox.”
By the time I returned from the bathroom, they were both passed out. The mattress was a little small, but as soon as I crawled in beside them, Malcolm wiggled his way into my arms. Held by me and Gunner both, he looked like an angel.
My little devil and my little angel,I thought and drifted off to sleep.
* * *
Even with how empty Gunner’s fridge was, I was still able to whip together a better breakfast than the can of beans I had to offer back at the cabin. By the time they actually managed to drag themselves out of bed, I had some scrambled eggs, toast, and fried tomatoes ready to go. The guys were each wearing what appeared to be a pair of Gunner’s sweatpants, and they both looked a little dazed.
“That was something special last night,” I said by way of greeting. Knowing how vulnerable guys could feel after bottoming for the first time, I wanted to make sure Gunner especially heard me say it.
“Yeah,” Malcolm said brightly. “That was really something.”
We made morning conversation for a while, exchanging compliments and smiles. Each of the guys looked a little awkward, probably feeling shy about all the things that had just happened, but the awkwardness only endeared them to me more. Joining them at the table, I realized that I was reluctant for our time together to end again.
“I’m going to be feeling that for a while,” Gunner joked, holding his backside. “But don’t think that means I’m not up for another round later,” he added.
I chuckled. “Have you always been a hellraiser?”
“Pretty much,” he answered, shoveling some eggs and tomato into his mouth. “I got a lot worse after my mom died, though.”
After he said it, his face scrunched up. It seemed pretty clear that he didn’t intend to share that information over breakfast. I thought I would let it slide and maybe check in with him later, but Malcolm reached out and grabbed his hand.
Gunner pulled his hand back and waved it in the air, trying to redirect the conversation. “I tell you what, though, I got into some real trouble after that happened. I started skipping class and selling weed and doing every damn thing I could to piss my dad off. I was already getting detention once a week, but after that, I’m surprised I didn’t get myself arrested.”
“I can see how demolition is a good job for you,” I said. “It probably helps to let out some of that energy you have.”And some of that anger, I thought, although I didn’t say it.
“There’s nothing quite as good as yelling back at my father,” he said. “But yeah, it helps.”
“God,” Malcolm said, “I can’t imagine what my father would say if I yelled at him. He’d probably try to have me taken in for psychological counseling or something.”
Something about the two of them sharing over the breakfast table struck my sentimental spot. With all the vulnerability and strength they had shown the night before, it felt wrong to keep my own family history so shrouded.
“I understand that,” I said. “You know, my uncle isn’t the only criminal in my family. My father is just as crooked and just as cruel. He just does a better job acting respectful.”
“Your father is a shady landlord, too?” Malcolm asked, adjusting his glasses.
“He runs his own business, a consulting firm that largely works with city government and large corporations. He looks good on paper, but I don’t know that bending laws and regulations to pollute the water supply is any better than exploiting your tenants.” I reached out, grabbing Gunner’s shoulder and squeezing, then chuckled. “I broke every rule and law I could think of to try to piss him off. But I’ll tell you—I didn’t actually feel better until I learned to let it go and stop trying to prove something to a man who didn’t deserve my respect.”
Gunner nodded back to me. “I’m getting there,” he said. “It’s just taking time.”
I pointed at Malcolm. “Having another guy who believes in you makes a big difference.” When I glanced, however, I was surprised to see that Malcolm’s face had fallen a little. “You okay there?” I asked him, wondering if the conversation had gotten too serious.
He shook his head. “My father is a good man, so I don’t have the same challenges you’re talking about. I’m just realizing something, though.”
“What’s that?” Gunner asked.
Malcolm frowned. “He and my mother support me, but their support comes with a lot of conditions. There’s no way in hell they would tolerate me spending time with both of you, for example.” He sighed. “But if this is what makes me happy, are they really supporting me at all? Because it feels more and more like they just care about making me into who they want me to be, instead of figuring out who I am.”
I rubbed his shoulder, feeling his muscles relax a little under my touch. “I can’t tell you how to navigate your relationship with your parents,” I said. “Although I can tell you that relationship is special. Even if there are challenges, you’ll never get another pair of parents. You’re a smart guy, and with Gunner’s support, I’m sure you can figure out what’s right.”
“And your support,” Gunner said quickly. “Unless you’re trying to tell us that you’re running back to the mountains for good this time.”
I wanted to tell them that I would stay as long as they wanted me, but I stopped myself. I had to be careful not to promise them anything unless I knew for sure I could follow through, and a commitment like that took time. I had figured out one thing I had to offer, though.
I grabbed their empty plates, standing to return them to the sink. “Not quite, but I do have a place to go today, and so do you, Gunner.”
“Where’s that?”
