Chapter Thirty-Six
Irving
I sat behind my desk, choking down an afternoon cup of coffee in an attempt to shake away the grogginess that was still following me around. With the screen open to a video chat, I could see the beach in Miami behind Karis. Celebrating a rare day off and a new yellow swimsuit, she looked relaxed and happy as she spoke over the sound of crashing waves.
“Tell me again how he tied you up,” she said. “He just, like, wrapped the rope around your wrist?”
I shrugged, running my hand through my hair. “Yeah, he just went for it. I guess he probably has done stuff like that before. I always imagined bondage as being a lot more complicated. I thought there would be some big production, but Brick was pretty quick. I think he wanted to get to all the stuff that came after we were tied up.”
“Oh wow,” Karis laughed, adjusting her sunglasses. “I can’t believe you’re telling me these wild sex stories, Irving! I never would have thought you’d come out of your shell so much when I moved to Florida. I’m really proud of you!”
I scoffed, waving my hand to dismiss her praise. “It’s nothing to be proud about. I mean, it’s just sex, you know?”
“It’s not just sex, and you know it! I’ve known you for pretty much your entire life, Irving, and I’ve never seen you get excited about another guy like you’re excited about Ezra and Brick. Not even when you fell for Mario.”
I frowned. I knew Karis was right. The feelings I was having for Ezra and Brick did seem new and very different from how I felt about Mario. My ex-boyfriend was sexy and cute, and at the time, I thought he was treating me right. Now I knew that he was just pretending and trying to say the right thing instead of saying what was truly in his heart.
I never had that feeling with Brick or Ezra. Ezra couldn’t keep his true feelings a secret if his life depended on it, and Brick had no reason to lie to me. He might refuse to talk sometimes and threaten to run away every time I turned around, but I knew that when he said something, he damn well meant it.
“It is funny,” I agreed. “After Mario, I thought I was never going to let myself trust another guy, but for some reason, I feel totally comfortable with Brick and Ezra.”
“Maybe you’re finally over Mario?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I can still feel that sting sometimes, but it’s a lot easier to deal with now that I have some positive memories to build on top of it.” I took another sip of my coffee, flashes of images from the night before coming back to mind. Then I remembered everything that came before that sweaty, steamy evening and how turned around our lives actually were. “You think it’s okay that I gave all my money to Brick?”
Karis shrugged, squirting some more sunblock into her hand while we talked. “I know how unhappy that money made you. Do you remember our sophomore year of college? You were running low on funds and stressed about paying for your dorm out of the income from your summer job, but you still wouldn’t touch that money from your parents.”
I laughed despite myself. “You used to call itthe guiltiest treasure chest in the whole world.”
“They were guilty! Not that they ever showed you how they were feeling, but they knew they were abandoning a good guy rather than facing their own ignorance. It’s okay to let go of the past, Irving, and to move on to something better. It’s not always easy to make progress, but if you have an opportunity to transform your pain into happiness for someone you care about? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
“Thanks, Karis,” I said. “It’s good to hear you say that. I just hope I can move on to something better. The guys and I haven’t really gotten a chance to talk about much beyond Brick’s problems. I’m pretty sure he’s going to stick around this time, but I know the three of us have a lot more to discuss, too.”
I heard the door to the bedroom creak behind me. When I turned, Ezra was wandering my way, a pair of my sweatpants hanging off his hips as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “What time is it?”
“Hi, Ezra!” Karis chirped from the screen.
“Oh hi, Karis!” Ezra responded, leaning over my shoulder to smile at her. “How’s Florida?”
“Hot!”
“Here, too,” he answered, laughing and squeezing my shoulder. “I’m going to grab some water. Do you want anything, Ezra?”
“No thanks, babe,” I said, leaning back to kiss him on the cheek. “I’ll just finish up here.”
When I turned back to the screen, Karis was grinning at me, her eyes as wide as saucers. “What?” I asked, suddenly feeling shy.
“It’s just really good to see you smiling, Irving.”
I took another sip of my coffee. “I haven’t totally changed,” I objected. “I’m still dying to get back to my coding projects and don’t you forget it.”
Karis shrugged, holding a hand up to her face to block the sun. “I’m sure you are. Just make sure you take the time to enjoy the moment. You’ve come a long way, Irving. Now go hang out with your boyfriend and enjoy the afternoon.”
By the time I’d said my goodbyes, Ezra returned with a big glass of water and bowl of yogurt and blueberries. I joined him on the couch, tangling our legs together as birds sang outside.
It was so nice to have Ezra around the apartment. It felt different to wake up and know that he was there with me instead of waking up alone again. It made the morning feel so different, and the day that followed it, too.
As his legs rubbed up against mine, I remembered what we had said to each other the night before, too.
