Not the performance I had been hoping for.
I grabbed my phone, turning to face the street again as I punched a few buttons. Almost immediately, Karis picked up.
“Karis here.”
“I introduced myself to the cute guy at the comic book store and told him my name.”
“Is this how we say hello now?”
“Hi, Karis.”
“Okay, now tell me every detail. What did he say? Did you chat?”
I drummed my fingers against the wall. “Kind of. He asked why I looked grumpy.”
“What did you say?”
I thought about it, trying to recall. “Not much. I mean, what was I supposed to say? I’m not grumpy; I’ve just looked this way since my last boyfriend cheated on me with my roommate?”
Karis clicked her tongue. “That’s not true. You’ve looked that way since you we were five years old and we figured out your parents were the actual worst.”
I groaned and considered banging my head against the wall again. “They are the worst, and now I screwed things up with the cute guy. At least I have a new excuse to look grumpy.”
Karis sighed, but her voice still felt warm. “Even if it didn’t go great, I’m sure you didn’t screw it up forever. And if you did, I’m still proud of you! It’s not healthy to have only one friend, especially when I live in Miami now. You’ve got to get out there and start meeting new people.”
I was glad to have her cheering me on, even if it did feel a little embarrassing to acknowledge that I only had one friend. There used to be my ex-boyfriend, of course, and my roommate. But last year they wentpoof!in a very unexpected vanishing act. It had been a real blow when Karis moved away for a research internship in Miami a couple months ago, but of course I could never ask her to pass up an opportunity to participate firsthand in an important study. Now she was off monitoring biological diversity in the Everglades, and I was left to figure some stuff out solo.
“How’s the beach, anyway?” I asked, kicking off from the wall and pacing a circle on the corner.
“I don’t miss Seattle’s weather, let’s just say that much. Anyway, you’ll see soon enough when you come to visit. But until then, I’m really glad to hear that you’re putting yourself out there a little more, instead of hiding inside with your record collection and your computer code and Skyping me about weird TV shows in the middle of the night.”
“Even if I make new friends and start dating someone, I’m still going to hide inside with my record collection and my computers half the time.”
Karis giggled. “Thank god. I would hate it if you totally changed. Who else would listen to old punk records with me and actually care about the bands?”
As she said it, I came to a standstill. There were a few flyers advertising upcoming shows posted to the side of the building in front of me. One torn, dirty piece of paper announced Nuclear Rot, one of my favorite old and largely forgotten bands.
“Holy shit.”
“What?”
“Nuclear Rot is playing a show at this bar near the comic store this weekend.”
“Shut the hell up. Really? I thought they didn’t play shows anymore.”
I peered closer at the flyer, mouthing the date and time and studying the blotchy black-and-white photograph of the band. “Yeah, it’s really them!”
“You have to go!” Karis said, nearly squealing it.
I chuckled, kicking at the pavement. “Yeah, right. I’m not going to some random bar.”
“It’s not a random bar. It’s the bar that’s next to the gay comic book store. I know that place. It’s a dive, but who cares? Your favorite band is playing a show there.”
“They’re not my favorite band.”
“Irving!” Karis sounded exasperated, a voice she saved for when I was really getting up to my worst habits. “I swear to god, if you’re going to make me sit around all weekend thinking about how I left you there in Seattle and now you’re never going to leave the house again, I’ll fly back just to dump a glass of water over your head.”
I bit my lip, holding back a smile. “Well, if it means I’ll get to see your beautiful face…”
“Irving! I’m not joking. Just please, please go to the show. Even if you just walk in, listen to a song, and walk out, do this for me, will you?”
I swallowed, staring at the door to the bar. It was painted dark red at some point, but the paint was so chipped away, it was really just a wooden door now. The window was pretty grimy, but you could see the dim light shining from inside and hear a few gruff voices hollering at each other and laughing.
I glanced at the motorcycles parked out front and felt a knot of anxiety in my gut thinking about the place. Even though I loved my record collection, I never went to bars to hear live music. It was hard to explain—they just seemed like places that guys like me didn’t hang out in.
Then I placed my hand on the door and thought about how long it had been since I had a friendly conversation with someone who wasn’t living in Miami.
“For you, Karis?” I said, sighing deeply. “Anything.”
