Chapter Twenty-Five
Brick
Let me tell you about the first time I met Charlie. Because sitting in the motel room alone that night, that was the only thing I could think about. It didn’t matter what I put on the fuzzy old television or how many pushups I did to wear myself out. I just ended up thinking about Charlie again.
I was at the top of my fighting game when I first ran into him and feeling pretty cocky about myself. I had never been the suit-and-tie type, and after I finished high school, I got my first job in a dive bar in Philly. I wasn’t old enough to tend bar, and it was probably breaking some kind of regulation to have me there in the first place. But the old man who owned the place had taken a shining to me, and he let me earn a few dollars cleaning up and clearing empty bottles from the tables.
I thought it was all I was good for, and I never really planned much beyond the life at the bar. Once I stumbled my way into fighting for cash and suddenly started making a serious penny, I let it get to my head. I started to think I was special, and there’s nothing quite as dangerous as thinking that you’re better than everyone else.
I was in a bar one night, the same kind of place I always hung out, when Charlie walked in. He acted so sweet and charming, and he flirted with me in a way that made my knees go weak. He had those pretty lips that always tugged at my heart and that awkward, nerdy way of moving that made me want to strip him down and wrestle out his desires. The first time we hooked up, I thought I was going to die just from feeling his soft kisses all over my skin. When he turned around and took everything I had to give him, too, I was sure I had met the man of my dreams.
Charlie kept wanting to spend time with me. He took me around and introduced me to his friends, and he caught rides across town with me in my truck. I guess he was playing make believe with my life because he came from money and was really only a tourist at that bar. It was fun for him to fantasize about life with a criminal, and I looked the part.
I hated that his attention made me feel good. It made me feel like I had finally established myself, leaving behind all the pricks like my brother who had tried to keep me down. I fought my way to the top, and I thought Charlie was the reward.
I collapsed against the rough carpet, my arms giving out from the pushups. Sweating and grunting, I pushed back up to my feet. “Ezra,” I said to myself, tasting the name as I sat down on the edge of the bed. “Irving.”
They weren’t Charlie. I knew they weren’t. But no matter how many times I told myself that, I kept spinning out about it. I would think of Charlie’s face with his lip split open and his eye swollen shut, and I’d feel nauseous with guilt. Then I’d remember his stupid betrayal, and another burst of anger would rise up. He’d almost got me killed, and right in the middle of the disaster he’d caused, he abandoned me, leaving me like a piece of trash. It filled me with rage and hurt, and the fury only broke when I collapsed back against the carpet, panting for breath.
That was the problem. These tidal waves were crashing inside of me, and if I didn’t watch myself, Ezra and Irving were going to be the ones paying the price.
But goddamnit if I didn’t want to crash down on them.
It felt so good to be inside of them, like they were taking the pain right out of me and replacing it with something good, something that felt almost true.
I went over to the bathroom, twisting on the faucet and splashing cool water on my face. I blinked into the mirror. There were wrinkles inching out from my eyes, and the scar on my cheek looked pink in the harsh light. I bared my teeth into the mirror and rubbed a hand through the tangled locks of my hair.
You’re messed up, man, I thought.Leave those two alone.
But those thoughts kept coming. How good their hands would look, tied together. How beautiful their voices sounded when they begged me to fuck them. The way they kept taking me, thrust after thrust.
I splashed a little more water on my face, then returned to the bed. It was only another day, and it’s not like I got the chance to enjoy myself very often anyway. Two guys coming along who were so perfect for me, who actually made me happy? That was a rare occasion.
I kept telling myself that nothing bad would happen if I just stayed one more day and spent a little more time with them. They wouldn’t end up hurt, and I wouldn’t end up skipping town with a broken heart.
I kept telling myself that it would be different this time and praying I’d start to believe it.
