It wasn’t the kind of money I made fighting back in Philly, but it sure as hell was a better life, with the bonus of a decent band passing through every few weeks.
And best of all, no one here was stupid enough to ask me about my past.
I cracked my knuckles, feeling the ache in my joints. “You seeing your guy this weekend?” I asked.
Lilith laughed and grabbed the tequila from behind the bar, spinning the bottle in her hand and then pouring a splash in a shot glass.
“I take that as a no.”
“He wanted someone who was available for a regular life, whatever that means.”
“Bedtimes before three in the morning and friends who aren’t wanted criminals?”
Lilith threw back the shot, sucking her lips in and baring her teeth from the sting of it. “He didn’t like Mary Bell anyway. I should have known it wouldn’t work out from the first date.”
Mary Bell was Lilith’s pit bull and about the most loyal dog I had ever met. I had always imagined myself getting a pit one day, so I had a bit of soft spot for the breed. “Fuck that guy,” I agreed. “Mary Bell was here first.”
“What about you? Any dates this weekend? Any special guys or gorgeous ladies catch your eye?”
I squinted across at her, shooting the look I used to intimidate opponents before a fight. It had proven useful at getting drunks back in line, too, and shutting down a conversation I wanted to avoid, although Lilith wasn’t one to be intimidated by me. She’d already figured out the line between my bark and my bite. Instead, she just laughed in response, her silver bangles jangling as she held her hands in the air.
“Sorry I asked. Damn, Brick. That glare could burn metal.”
“You know my rules.”
“Yeah, yeah, I remember. No fucking around unless you find someone who can handle your heat, whatever that means. It’s just that the longer you’re here, the more I’m doubting you’re actually looking for that person, let alone finding him.”
I took another drink from my beer. “Sounds fine to me. I didn’t move to Seattle to find love.”
“Who said anything about love? It’s a big city. You should at least be able to find a quick hookup here.”
My mind went straight back to Ezra, and I shoved a hand in my pocket, feeling the crumpled bills he had given me. It would have been nice if I were in a place to turn down fifty dollars, but I’d be fooling myself if I pretended that were true. Now I realized I was going to have to see that guy again if I wanted another payday. He’d probably make me shoot him down next time, too.
I knew Lilith was right. A good fuck and a solid release would do me good. It had been far too long since I had gotten down with anyone else, and for as good as I was at fighting, I was even better at tossing a cutie around in the bedroom.
Or the alley. Or the back of the bar. Or a rest stop. Whatever. I wasn’t really picky.
But I wasn’t lying when I told her I needed someone who could handle me. Most people flinched when they got a look at me, and it was pretty rare for someone to stick around long enough to get into bed. Even when I used to hook up more often, most people weren’t into the kinds of things I was into.
They burned out. No matter how much they said they wanted it, almost everyone burned out.
That’s why I had to turn away from Ezra and any other angels that might come knocking on my door. Because playing with me was playing with fire, and one way or another, they were the ones that got burned.
