Shaking my head, I kept stroking. Luckily, Irving seemed to know exactly what he wanted. He dropped down to his knees in front of me and reached his hands tentatively outward, trailing his fingers along my thighs.
I growled and stepped closer as I flicked open my jeans. My fist found my shaft, and I jerked it out in front of his face, stroking from my base and giving him a good, long look at what I was offering.
Irving’s eyelids flickered, and he laid his hands on the back of my knees, pulling himself a little closer. He began to nuzzle his cheek against my leg, taking in deep and greedy breaths of my scent as I kept jerking myself, his cheeks only a breath away from my dick.
Fuck, I wanted him so bad. He looked so eager beneath me, with little whimpers escaping his beautiful lips as he kept pressing his face against my body. His tongue was licking the edges of his lips, and his eyes were trained straight to the head of my cock, swollen and purple and already slick with jizz.
He looked hungry.
I wanted to grab his hair and thrust myself into his whimpering mouth. I wanted to push him to the ground and mount him from behind, plowing so deep that I would touch parts of him that had never been touched before. I felt a need to order him around, to command him to remove his clothing so that I could grab and grope every inch of his naked, quivering body.
I wanted to unleash the passion that was building like a furnace inside of me and devour him whole.
And then I thought of Charlie. The music still pounding through the door, it was the pain of the relationship with my ex-boyfriend that came back, crashing against me out of nowhere. Charlie, the guy who threw me under the bus first chance he got and ended up bloody and bruised himself. The guy who left me just as broken as I left him.
I saw Charlie’s face, clear as day, and my desire was ripped into pieces.
My breath caught in my throat, and even when I looked down to Irving’s gorgeous, delicate face, the moment wouldn’t come back to me. It was like my hunger had disappeared in a puff of smoke, and all I wanted to do was pull Irving to his feet and wrap my arms around him instead, to hold him close to my chest. He kept nuzzling and kissing at me, but as my hand slowed, he must have felt me drift away. In a moment, his hands dropped from the back of my knees. Soon enough, his face turned, too, the connection between us quieted.
Irving ran a hand through his closely cropped blonde hair, and he took in a deep breath. I offered him my hand, but he stood on his own, brushing the dirt from his knees. His face was pink, and his black T-shirt was damp with sweat.
He was hurt.
I felt awful. I tried to think of something to say, anything that would explain. He was staring at the ground again, frowning just like before and unwilling to meet my eyes. I considered grabbing his chin and pulling his face up, but I knew I would choke on the apology I owed him.
Turn away, Brick. Don’t fuck this guy’s life up more than you already have just because you can’t keep your dick in your pants.
“I should go,” he said, his voice sharp and sudden.
I opened my mouth, but only a grunt came out. Charlie’s face was still flashing in front of my eyes, hurt and bruised and angry. “If you want to,” I finally managed.
It was all the permission he needed. Irving glanced around once more, almost like he was trying to make sense of where he was, like he was seeing the dirty room for the first time. Then he turned on his heel, muttering something like a goodbye, and hurried away. Only a moment later, the band blasted their last chords, and the back of the bar fell silent.
I took a deep breath, feeling the ragged air in my chest. I knew I wasn’t ready to start hooking up with guys again, and I shouldn’t have let myself believe otherwise. Fucking around was just going to get me back where I started, and I was already down and out enough without the help.
If I could have kicked myself in the ass, I would have. Grimacing, I headed back toward the bar instead, figuring a couple shots of whiskey and some loud music were the next best thing.
